BigTime Fantasy Football League

Diary of A (Fantasy Draft) Madman

2011-09-08T10:33:00.001-04:00

Note: A weblog by Luke Heller and myself will be online very, very soon. Be prepared. 'Failing to prepare is preparing to fail' --John Wooden People love drafting with me. I come prepared. In a draft that takes anywhere from 3 to 4 hours, many of the drafters are dying to get out of there, back to wives, kids, life...leaving ‘fantasy’ to get back to reality (I know, I don’t get it either). Anything that makes the draft move along swiftly is appreciated by the masses. I am one of the ‘anythings’. Each one of my picks takes about .5 seconds to make. I come prepared. People hate drafting with me. I come prepared. I know who I want, when I want them, and how my team will shape up (for the most part) by the time I leave that room. I always leave the draft with a formidable roster. I come prepared. A few years ago I was in Las Vegas for the World Championship of Fantasy Football. There were about 60 drafts of 12 teams each, all taking place simultaneously in the same room. Each group of 12 has a few draft moderators who oversee the draft, including placing cute little color coded name tags on the draft board as each player is selected. Anyway, these moderators, after observing a few rounds of the draft, began chuckling at my behavior. See, these other random dudes (or pairs of dudes) at my draft table, when it was their turn to select a player, would be all over the place. Some would be calling their partner, some would be ruffling through magazines, some would be panicking, some would be sweating. I, on the other hand, was sitting in my chair, laid back, staring around the room, patiently waiting to say the name of my next selection when called upon, because I already know who that player was going to be. Not calling anyone, not looking at papers, not panicking, not sweating...fine, maybe sweating...it is the fucking desert. The moderators found this funny, and I totally get it from their point of view. Everyone else is freaking out over every pick, and this one dick looks like he couldn’t give a shit, but yet knows exactly who and what he wants every single time. They probably would’ve found it even funnier if they knew that I had taken ecstasy the night before, danced on tables, and still hadn’t gone to bed yet. I come prepared. So what’s the point here? I’m glad you asked. I decided to share the madness of my preparation. We’re going to look into my sick brain to find out what I’m thinking as one of my drafts approaches. The draft in question is the Fantasy Football Players Championship. This is a high-stakes league with a grand prize of $200,000. Each league is 12 teams, 20 man rosters. I am fortunate enough to be selecting 1st overall. The starting lineup is 1QB, 2RB, 2WR, 1TE, 1K, 1DEF, 2 FLEX(non-QB). It is a PPR (point per reception) league, but Tight Ends are 1.5PPR, making them more valuable than usual. It is 4PTS for a passing TD. Some overall thoughts before breaking it down: -I’m trying to win my 12 team league of course, but the big goal here is to beat 600+ teams and win the grand prize. Need a solid mix of reliable studs and long shots that may break out.-There aren’t too many late RBs or WRs I'm psyched about.-I love Matt Stafford.-Tight End is crazy deep this year.-There are 23 great to elite WRs...I want to draft 3 of them.-I always leave selecting my team defense until the very end, but have a gut feeling that Pitt is going to be more dominant than usual this year. Of course we never know what will actually happen on draft day. There are always twists and turns that force some decisions on the fly, but I’ll be ready. I come prepared. Since I have the 1st pick, after Round 1 we will analyze the draft 2 picks at a time, as I always select back to back. Pick 1Ray Rice. My #1 player on the board (obviously). Love starting my team with a safe option who has a very high floor, with upside. Picks 24/25I want a minimum of 1 WR. Some teams will start with 3RBs in a row in this format, but I don’t want to be ‘forced’ into picking position X later in the draft when position Y may present the best value at that point. I like having flexibility. I want 2 of my top 8 WRs. Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald, Roddy White, Vincent Jackson, Miles Austin, Hakeem Nicks, Greg Jennings. If only 1 of the 8 are available (which I believe will be the case), then I will take a RB, namely Peyton Hillis or Felix Jones. I will consider Antonio Gates or JerMichael Finley here as well because of the weighted Tight End format, but since TE is deep, I will probably let them slide. If none of my top 8 are left, I will select Wes Welker. He’s a lock for 90 receptions, with the potential for 120. The only reason I am not definitely taking him here along with 1 of my top 8 is because there is an outside chance he is still on the board the next time I select. I will pair Welker with either Hillis or Felix. Picks 48/49I have a few options here, and this will shape how I approach the rest of the draft. I prefer the value and talent of the WRs at this spot, so will lean towards them unless I somehow land 2 of my top 8 at 24/25. If I already have Rice/WR/WR, I will look for RB/WR at this turn. If I already have Rice/WR/RB, I will look for WR/WR at this turn. If I already have Rice/WR/RB, and all of my top 23 WRs are gone(see above), I will look for RB/RB at this turn. RBs I like at this spot that have a chance to be available: Beanie Wells, DeAngelo Williams, Reggie Bush, Joseph Addai, Mark Ingram, Ryan Mathews. WRs I like at this spot that have a chance to be available: Anquan Boldin, Steve Johnson, Mario Manningham, Percy Harvin...and I may get lucky with a few guys I rank above this group, but don’t wanna jinx it. Picks 72/73Remember I mentioned a certain handsome (yeah I said it) QB that I am enamored with? Here is the spot where I will overdraft Matt Stafford. I think he finishes as a top 5 QB. Along with Stafford:If one of my top 23 WRs is still on the board (unlikely but possible), I will take him as my 4th WR (can start 4 each week with the 2 Flex roster). If one of my top 23 WRs is not on the board (likely), I will take a RB, most likely from the group of Fred Jackson, Marshawn Lynch, Ryan Grant, James Starks, Mike Tolbert, BenJarvis Green-Ellis). If I don’t love the RBs that remain, I may say ‘fuck it’ and take the top Tight End left on the board, ideally Aaron Hernandez. Potential roster through 7 rounds:Matt Stafford Ray RiceFelix JonesFred Jackson Miles AustinAnquan BoldinPercy Harvin At this point in the draft, I will be very, very happy. The other 11 members in my draft will be very, very frightened. Clearly, in this scenario, I decided to let the TE position slide. As I mentioned above, TE is very deep this year. I plan on drafting 3-4 TEs in the 2nd half of the draft. All I need is 1 of them to emerge. As for RB and WR moving forward, I have the flexibility to draft for talent and upside, regardless of position. I will make sure to draft at least 5 of each position. Picks 96/97I want 2 of the following players:Nate Burleson, Antonio Brown (overdrafting him here, but I believe he can be special), Willis McGahee (at the least, he splits carries evenly in a run first offense), Jared Cook/Aaron Hernandez (start the TE selections a round earlier than planned if either are on the board), Ben Tate (if Arian goes down, we may have a stud on our hands), Danny Woodhead. Picks 120/121As I mentioned earlier, I NEVER take a defense early. However, I am trying to win $200,000, and sometimes one has to do things one does not normally do in order to reach certain goals. I am almost positive that Pitt will finish in the top 5 of defensive scoring. With defense being such a crapshoot from year to year, why not select what I believe to be a sure thing, rather than hope that my random selection at the end is one of the surprises this season? In order to guarantee acquiring Pitt, I will have to be the first one to select a defense, and this is the spot to do it. Am I totally sold on this strategy yet? Not at all, but what the hell. I can make it make sense. Along with Pitt, I will most likely take my 1st TE at this spot, from the group of Greg Olsen, Lance Kendricks, Heath Miller, Jermaine Gresham. I now have 9 selections left, and all I NEED is a kicker and a backup for Stafford, so 7 spots left to do whatever the fuck I want. At this point in the draft, it’s near impossible to predict who will be on the board at each one of my selections, considering everyone has different opinions on ‘sleepers’. So, rather than take you pick by pick, I’ll just let you know some guys I’ll be targeting. RBsBernard Scott, Bilal Powell, DeMarco Murray, Delone Carter, Montario Hardesty, Kendall Hunter, Leon Washington, Roy Helu, Tashard Choice, Keiland Williams. WRsAndre Roberts, Arrelious Benn, Earl Bennett, Greg Little, Eric Decker, Harry Douglas, Jason Hill. TEsEvan Moore, Kyle Rudolph, Julius Thomas, Fred Davis, Todd Heap, Visanthe Schiancoe. Potential roster:Matt StaffordColt McCoy Ray RiceFelix JonesFred JacksonWillis McGaheeLeon WashingtonTashard Choice Miles AustinAnquan BoldinPercy HarvinAntonio BrownArrelious BennEarl BennettHarry Douglas Lance KendricksTodd HeapKyle Rudolph Pitt Defense Dick Kicker When I win the $200k, I’ll refund what you had to pay to read this post.

2010 Questionairre Results

2011-03-01T15:24:00.001-05:00

You can find them here:

https://spreadsheets.google.com/gform?key=0As8gTja0dQngdGZBMEpnWkxwUTkwRmRuNHFsNTUzU1E&hl=en&pli=1&gridId=0#chart

H's and 8's Write-up

2010-12-08T09:59:00.002-05:00

Authored by Dirk Dorstein

As we head into the playoffs here are 10 tweets to reflect upon:

1.) @thecommission how are you able to rig the league every year?

2.) @bucknuts congrats on CJ Spiller, what a great yr!

3.) @vandelayindustries, who needs @vincentjackson?

4.) @H&8s - good to see @chrisjohnson was worth the #1 pick

5.) @bluesteel, who cares?

6.) @tuna who's picture do you kiss first when you go to sleep: @centaurus or @arianfoster

7.) @thenut thanks for the donation, AGAIN #horsesass

8.) @letitride must have been the "cam cammy juice" that spurred your late season rally

9.) @hardknocks always in the hunt yoy, well done, were you inspired by @richrods football banquet speech? #youliftmeup

10.) @peytonhillis run white boy run

Nonsensical Thoughts from Hard Knocks

2010-12-03T09:55:00.001-05:00

Here we are again, struggling to find something to write about for this nonsensical blog. In the absence of anything else coming to mind, I’d like to break down my team for everyone. Enjoy.

QB – Aaron Rodgers, our controversial first round pick, is currently the 2nd best player in all of fantasy, behind only Arian Foster aka this season’s 2nd biggest surprise (see below for #1, but if anyone is even struggling with that you shouldn’t be in our league). Rodgers is the most productive QB in the league with 267.8 fantasy points. So next time somebody mocks the #10 pick overall for taking a QB, remember that. Grade: A+

WR – a solid core of Reggie Wayne (#9 WR in fantasy points heading into this week) and Jeremy Maclin (#11). Chris Heller (you have to delineate between the 2 Hellers now – it was easier when you could just say “Heller,” no offense Luke) has a theory that solid veteran WRs put up big numbers even well after they’re written off by the pundits (and pre-season fantasy rankings). Guys like Joey Galloway and Derrick Mason come to mind as guys who have come up big for Chris in years past as real value picks on draft day. I think Reggie Wayne fit that bill this year. Granted, he still went early but nobody wanted to touch him this year and he is still elite. Thanks Chris. My WR3 spot has been a little trickier. We have been trying to play the matchup game/hot hand between Michael Crabtree and Pierre Garcon. Crabby has come on a bit these last few weeks as he’s seemed to have found a rapport with Troy Smith. Go figure. But he was a total disappointment the first half of the season and we drafted him pretty high. Garcon, too, has been a disappointment especially with all the Colts injuries on offense one would have thought he’d be stepping it up this season. He just doesn’t seem to be on the same page as Peyton. Surprisingly, our 5th WR, Jordan Shipley, has outscored Garcon this season. Grade: B

TE – who knew the Steelers O-line would be so putrid this season that they’d have to keep Heath Miller in on most passing plays to help with protection? We also have Jermaine Gresham who would be great in a keeper league. Don’t get any ideas Commissioner Goffin. Grade: C

IDPs – Jerod Mayo is the 5th best LB in our league’s scoring format (and leads the NFL in tackles), Charles Woodson is the #4 DB and Trent Cole is the #2 DL (and tied for the league lead in sacks). NTB. Grade: A

K – seriously who gives a shit about these guys? It’s entirely luck. How does one handicap how many field goals an offense is going to kick? I honestly had to go back and look at who I drafted (Robbie Gould). We spent the middle weeks with Carpenter from Miami until he put up a doughnut so we dropped him only to come back and score 17 points the following week. Now we are rolling with the up and down Hartley from NO. Who knows? Who cares? Grade: NR (anyone from the Chris Heller Roses Grove Hamptons house should have chuckled, and D-Rob if you’re out there, shout out).

And finally, RB – by far our weakest link all season. Yes, I know – that’s what happens when you draft a QB in the first round. But you can’t tell me it was a losing strategy until the season is over. We are very much still alive and seem to be firing on all cylinders. Beware of Hard Knocks in the next few weeks. Anyway, we have been juggling a mish mosh of sub par RBs all season, and barely getting by. Yeah, we had decent production from some fill-in backs like Ryan Torrain and Mike Hart, but nothing sustainable at all. It’s been constant shuffling of atrocious performances by Tim Hightower and Jonathan Stewart (who finally looks like he might be coming into his own). And that’s without even mentioning Jerome Harrison who was run out of town in week 4 by this season’s single biggest fantasy surprise, Peyton Hillis. So all told the RB position had been a disaster for us….and then…we traded for Fred Jackson. Grade: C- (pre-trade), B- (post-trade)

Since we traded for Fred Jackson, he has gone for 33, 29.4 and 27.8 fantasy points. #gofuckyourselfmargulies. That said, your blog was pretty hilarious. I happened to agree with most of the points you made and I certainly appreciated the multiple marathon shout outs.

Speaking of marathons, Glantz claimed to be “the fastest guy in Bigtime” on his blog dated September 24. He made this claim after running a better time than me in the ING Marathon Tune-Up, an organized TRAINING run for the big race on November 7th. Then this happened:

ING NEW YORK CITY MARATHON November 7, 2010 Official Results

ERIC SEALOVE 34M NY USA 03:30:10
ADAM GLANTZ 33M NY USA 03:43:29
DAVID STEMPLER 33M NY USA 04:19:40

So not only do I have more Bigtime championship titles than you, Tuna, but also the title of fastest Bigtime marathoner. I say “marathoner” and not simply “fastest guy” in the league because that title goes to Leibert. I have seen him in a 100m dash down Greenwood where he made Filly look like he was standing still. And that was before he had dreads. Imagine how fast he’d be now, even with the extra 25 lbs.

Good luck everyone. It’s playoff time.

GO BUCKS - MICH SUCKS!!!

2010-11-27T10:50:00.007-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving from the “Hairy Bucknuts” to all of Big Time!

As I sit at the computer Saturday morning a little under the weather, still full from Thanksgiving and excited to watch the Buckeyes kick the shit out of those pathetic Michigan Wolverines; I type away!

To the teams that have done a write up for their designated weeks – Kudos! For those who have not you guys suck! You are like the asshole in school that doesn’t do the homework assignment and then the teacher calls sick. One point?? Goff if you want to show them all you mean business I would do 10 points. Really how freaking long does a write up take? 30 min for an OSU grad and maybe 15 for a loser Michigan grad? Jared you probably did it in 20 – Go Hoosiers – From #yourwriteupmademycommuteenjoyable

LIR – Personally I would have killed myself if someone did that to my hair…Are you serious walking in to a room of clean cut individuals with that hairdo? Were your dreadlocks so tight that you couldn’t take 15 min of your time to explain your thought process behind the hair? Or even better, tell us who you wanted to look like? The white Lil Wayne? BTW if it was the old format you would have had 2 write ups to do...Goff should have kept it the old way and you would have been out $50 FFM.

PP – I think this team has been in the league since it started and for them to discard the commish’s demands to do one freakin write up is not cool. Last week your team blew and you would have had to do a write up in the old format. Come on…. Stop being such dicks!

BS – To the biggest shit talking mother-fer, complainer, whiner, selfish (I need to change the draft date because my vagina needs priming) person in the league – SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! You always have something to say when an email goes out but when it’s your time to shine and write about the league, your team or other teams you are nowhere to be found. The last shit ass comment was “where is all the shit talking in this league”? Well you had your chance and once again you must have slipped on your vag juices and broke your fingers. I hope Schaub, Forte and Jackson all go down in the 1st Q and score a combined 5 points. FUCK Blue Steel or FUCK THE BLUE!

Empire – You suck! You might be 6’ whatever but your dedication to the league is about the size of weeman…

HK – maybe you will do the write up.....

H&8’s – I was watching the JETS, Jets, Jets, Jets come from behind to beat the shit ass Browns when Mr. Borstein turned to me and said are you doing the write up?? I said yeah I can’t afford to lose a single point; my team is not that good. DB – My team is good so fuck them! Nice attitude! You and your partner suck! Go Bucks!! I bet once DB reads this he calls my partner (they are butt buddies) and makes fun of my grammar or something stupid…I don’t give a fuck! If you take home money from this league I might go in to a serious depression!
Rankings –

1) Tuna – awesome team! TUNA is BACK!

2) VI – These two guys are not only funny but are about to become fantasy analysts for CBS Sports….I swear year in and year out they are atop of any fantasy league

3) Commish – Watch out; here they come!

4) H&8’s - are about to fall from grace!

5,6,7,8,9,and 10 – PP. LIR, HK, CENT. EP, and BS – It’s a tossup! The next two weeks are crucial!

11, 12, 13 and 14 – HB, KEK, AJ, TN what can I say we are all fighting to stay out of last place – good luck!

Did anyone see the sneakers Tuna wore to the draft?? I think this is what they looked like….

My niece wears the same shoes - does anyone see anything wrong with that???

Brett – Can we do a home draft next year? Considering we are never going to go to auction format can we all be home in our PJ’s drinking beer, smoking or getting a BJ in-between picks? This way BS can’t complain!

I am sorry if this write up was a little bitter but I came in last place in the baseball league because when I went to take a leak the MUSH (Greg March) picked up two players that were on IR…AWESOME….and as of right now I am fighting to stay out of last place in this fucking league!!! I thought I drafted a good team - obviously not!

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving with your families!

Bucknuts out!

Big Time Homework: #AgainstMyWill

2010-11-09T14:15:00.004-05:00

1. For my mandatory homework assignment, I’m going to give you 26.2 thoughts – one for every mile our boys @FirstGlantz, Stemp, and Sealove absolutely annihilated this past Sunday. #twitterstyle

2. What happened to all of those ‘Go Blue’ and ‘Denard for Heisman’ tweets that flooded my timeline in August and early September? #atleastyoubeatuconnathome

3. I know over the years there have been jokes about @bgoffin being more of a dictator than a commissioner to the league. But some of his actions really do suggest there is some truth in our jest. For instance, this stupid mandatory homework blog that everyone hates doing. I haven’t spoken to one person who said they like writing it, but, since @bgoffin wanted it, he just institutes the rule without a league vote and then further abuses his power by taking away fantasy points if you refuse to obey him. #AdolfGoffin

4. My five favorite non-fantasy related Tweeters: 1. @SteveMartinToGo 2. @SarahKSilverman 3. @WhitlockJason 4. @lukeheller 5. @KD35sNeighbor (Kevin Durant’s neighbor – you must check out this kid’s youtube vids). #random

5. My five favorite fantasy related Tweeters: #madeyalook #secretsauce

6. Fried: tell us how you really feel about having kids. Seriously, #dontholdback

7. Does anyone else think its unfair that @bgoffin gets to see everyone’s weekly free agent bids even though they’re submitted to the site? I’m in another league where we submit our bids to the site and then the site processes the bids automatically. @bgoffin’s reasoning is that the system can’t handle the tiebreakers. I just think there has to be some advantage to seeing every team’s bidding strategies on a week-to-week basis. If he gets to see them, I think they should be made public to the rest of the league. But that probably makes too much sense. #FidelGoffin

8. But then again, if it were such an advantage you’d think The Commission would have won a championship since 2003. #BURN

9. I’m not sure if this is a compliment to @chingausted or an indictment on the current state of hip-hop, but Chris’ rap/voicemail for @FirstGlantz’s marathon mix was the best thing I’ve heard in years. #illmatic

10. Allow me to be the first person to not make fun of JP on the blog. #tooeasy

11. Some Chilean guy was trapped 2000 feet underground for two months, came out two weeks ago and proceeded to run the Marathon on Sunday. #imacompletewasteofspace

12. If anyone is in the market for a new barbeque grill and has a natural gas line in their house please holla at me. I have a brand new, fully assembled, badass Weber Grill for sale on the cheap. It was given to me as a gift but unfortunately I don’t have access to a natural gas line. #cantmakethisshitup

13. Speaking of badass, back to our three Marathoners: the amount of respect I have for you guys cannot be expressed in words. The most I’ve ever run in one shot is three miles and that is an insane struggle for me. I’ll never understand how you did it. #props

14. Hey little thing let me light your candle cuz a mama I’m so hard to handle now gets around. That’s to help you with your @TheBlackCrowes withdrawal, Ryan. #freak

15. I can’t believe Sealove just gave @KyleOrton8 away to @chingausted for Fjax. He must want Chris to win because they’re such good friends. They have to be cheating. Eric – sounds ridiculous when other people say it, right? #wah

16. Seriously though, I mean how GOOD is @FirstGlantz’s team? Its so good it keeps me up at night thinking about it. In fact, here is a list of the five best fantasy football teams of all time: 1. Tuna (2010) 2. Tuna Delight (2003) 3. El Toro (2008) 4. Tuna Delight (Veggie Lite) (2007) 5. O-Toro (2009). #kidsdelusional #eatsomething

17. For any of you who went to Jericho and/or Timberlake: I hung out with Gruosso a few weeks ago for the first time in like 10+ years. The kid somehow got funnier with age. More racist though. Like, a lot. #LogicMan #hugeleftnut #yourmominabucket

18. Don’t mean to pile on @bgoffin, but having said that….so as you’ve all seen @WesWelker kicked an extra point on Sunday. Although he was started as a wide receiver, Welker still got a fantasy point for the kick. Said another way: an offensive player got points for a special teams play. I haven’t spoken to El Hefe about this personally, but @asalis did and he said Goff’s defense was along the lines of “if Welker threw a TD pass he’d get points for that”. Correct me if I’m wrong but that just makes less than no sense. For the same reason our IDPs don’t get points for tackles on special teams, or that our wide receivers don’t get points for kick and punt returns, an offensive player should not get credit for a special teams play. Also, if Welker got a point for the XP, how come @Ndamukong_Suh didn’t get a negative point for missing an XP? Would love to hear that explanation. But, as it stands, Welker is on (yup, you guessed it) The Commission so I’m guessing that point will stay with them. #KimJong-Goff

19. Then again, based on their power rankings, they need all the points they can get. #DoubleBURN

20. It is a damn shame that the dude with the best Twitter handle out there, @CraftyBarnardo (aka Leibert), has exactly one tweet to his name. #illdreadsthough

21. Anyone out there playing Halo Reach? If so hit me up on Live, my gamertag is ‘jmarg17’. #iswearim33yearsold

22. Not sure why but I just don’t like @FirstGlantz’s suggestion about scoring individual players’ special teams points. I don’t have a logical reason for it, it just doesn’t feel right to me. Maybe if we had a designated slot for kick/punt returners I’d be down with that, but I don’t want @Reggie_Bush being a top ten RB on draft day because he returns punts well. #justsaying

23. I am, however, down for bumping up running backs to a full point-per-reception. When we first instituted PPR scoring, fantasy was dominated by RBs. Every single team started its draft with two straight RBs. Then, to level the playing field, @bgoffin changed the scoring to what we still have today. However, as times have changed, WRs are now dominating the fantasy landscape according to our scoring system and I think in order to re-adjust the balance of power, all players should get a full PPR. Maybe even 1.5 for tight ends. #mytwocents

24. I actually brought this up to @bgoffin about two weeks before the season started. He just shook his head no. #BrettMussolini

25. For those that missed it, our boy @asalis was recently ordained as a Minister in order to perform Mr. and Mrs. Colediggy’s wedding. It was equal parts awesome, hysterical and memorable. #bestweddingceremonyever #andihadoneofthose

26. But Salis’ dancing display afterward, however…….#notsomuch

26.2 And finally….Vandelay is taking this shit down this year. #BOOKIT

Weekly Write-up: The Nuts

2010-11-07T13:01:00.002-05:00

So, since I know maybe 5 people total in this league, I find it very strange that my partner, who gets his balls busted all season long by almost the entire league (and all year long for that matter) would suggest that I am the one to write this post. Wouldn’t you think he would take this opportunity to defend himself, maybe fire a couple of shots back or even just explain to all of us why, in his opinion, he is the focus of so much attention. Clearly, he would rather I write about some random shit and avoid the whole thing all together.

So, honestly, I don’t have a thing to write. I will say that the reason this write up is coming in so late, why my brain is completely scrambled and why I feel shittier than I have since the last time I had a major bender in Vegas is that for the past week, for some unknown reason, I thought I’d try to act like I was 25 again and attend a 5 night run of the Black Crowes at the Nokia Theater. That’s right, 5 nights of the same band. 5 nights of way too many cocktails, 5 nights of being up extremely late and 5 mornings of feeling like I was going to die. The additive effect is that after 1 full week (I had 2 nights off during the run) the idea of sitting down and writing this blog is the equivalent of putting your nuts in a vice and squeezing tight. Add to that the fact that my wife decided to wake up super early and turn the TV on to watch a bunch of really healthy assholes run 26 miles. Nothing like an early Sunday morning reminder that you are a complete derelict at 35 years old! I could barely get out of bed by noon and some Kenyan fucker ran 26 miles in 2 hours. Are you shitting me?

One other thought… what happened to the shit talking in this league? Is there a rule against it? It seems to me that last season there was a lot more chatter… of course, I’ve never been a part of it, and it annoys the shit out of me because the last thing I need is another 50 useless e-mails a day, but what happened? Figured a guy out on the fringe of this league should be the one to call all of you out. If nothing else, just shoot me an e-mail directly making fun of my partner once a week.

Weekly Write-up AJ Ball

2010-10-09T19:26:00.000-04:00

What a pleasure to be writing this, not as the worst team in the league last week, but as a random selection. Oh wait – were we the worst team in the league last week? No – that would be the team that we beat. Gotta love getting a win when you don’t break 100 pts, though I doubt that shows awesome signs for us in the weeks to come.

So what to write about? My partner and I seem to have little time on our hands these days as each of us is in the first year of starting a new company. Stress. Combine that with the fact that Brown has two little girls at home and there is little time for us to focus on fantasy football these days.

I will write what comes to mind though and I hope it doesn’t bore you all.

Here is an honest bit that may be incredibly offensive to a lot of people out here. That’s always a good place to start, right? Not to be a dick, but the more my friends have babies, the less I feel like I want one. Is that horrible to say out loud? Is there any chance that my girlfriend will read this and be really, really pissed at me? Am I an asshole for saying that? Don’t get me wrong, I am a family man and know that ultimately I will have a child or two and I truly do look forward to what it will be like to start a family. I get it, and I know that I am just delaying my own real adulthood, but at times the whole experience feels kind of like a real stick in the ass. Life is hard enough as it is, but adding a baby to the mix seems to make it at times, unbearable. And I still feel like a kid myself. Sometimes I get into my car in the morning and still kind of think it’s cool that I am old enough to drive a car. I swear that is true. Like “huh, I am totally old enough to drive…” The idea of having a kid right now just seems so foreign to me.

My girlfriend Kristin and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend some time this summer with the Goffins and the Browns. We spent a day at the beach together in Long Beach. It was lovely. Their children are freaking adorable – for real, I’m not just saying that. The way they look up at their parents, and the love they share is something that cannot be matched by anything us childless guys experience on a daily basis. Nothing like it in the world. But through the course of one afternoon I gained a tiny, very small, little glimpse into the full time job that is parenting. What an utterly exhausting experience. It seemed like just as one kid stopped crying, the other one just upped and ran into the ocean. As soon as one got to sleep, the other one woke up and started crying, waking up the other children. One is hungry, the other is vomiting for no real reason. And the sheer volume of stuff! Holy shit. I mean Columbus didn’t bring this much equipment with him when he settled the New World. And as I look at all this stuff, I just see imaginary dollar signs above every item like the old-school prize round on Wheel of Fortune. The sheer expense of it all. But that is what’s required now, and so the Browns and the Goffins gear up like it’s the first episode of The Amazing Race.

You know that feeling when you had a paper due in college and you know you haven’t really done enough preparation to complete it? You man up. You know you are going to have to work for about 30 hours straight to get it done, but you can see the finish line and you know you can bang it out. Now imagine what you look like about 10 hours into that. That is the expression I could see glimpses of in Adam and Brett’s faces all day. Like – “oh, you’re in the shit, huh?” No end in sight. As Adam and I used to say – “Tired, tired.”

When Kristin and I headed back to the city at the end of the day, we were completely shell shocked. It was like we were being air lifted from ‘Nam and couldn’t even look at each other on the plane. I don’t remember exactly what we did that night, but I suspect it involved a lot of drinking.

My friends in LA have even younger kids. I had one friend come to lunch last Saturday and literally not be able to sit down at the table ever – for the entire course of the meal. The baby was hungry and wouldn’t take the bottle. Game, set, match. You’re done. Nothing you can do.

I get it though. The whole experience is totally worth it. But I am almost 35 years old and not yet engaged. Let’s assume I have a few years ahead of me still, before I am changing diapers (note: I just spelled diapers incorrectly and spell check had to point it out to me - further proof I should not be having a baby any time soon). I will be close to 60 when I am taking my oldest child to college. Am I that guy? Sure – I have looked 60 since I was in 9^th grade (I had to say that so Sealove didn’t send me that email Monday morning), but imagine what I will be like when I am actually 60. Or forget 60, what about my 40s? When Brett and Adam are enjoying summer trips with their wives as their children are off at summer camp, I will be the guy chasing 2 toddlers running around at the beach. Adam’s kids will be taking the SATs and mine will be learning their ABCs. Adam will be a grandpa when I still have kids on college meal plans, maybe even in high school. Crazy to think about, but it’s true.

So I look at the positive instead of the negative, right? I still have some moments of my mid-30s to enjoy. Sure, I am kind of like the long-haired guy that looked like Bjorn Borg on the show thirtysomething, or maybe I am kind of like the pre-Jabaar Crosby on Parenthood. But when the shit goes down, I will really be ready. I will take this time now to enjoy the childless years I have left. Eat out as much as I want. Spend all day Sunday doing absolutely nothing except watching football. Stay up late for no good reason on a Thursday. Sleep in on Saturdays. Spend money on nonsense and indulge myself in every way possible.

I love my life and I want to hold on to it for as long as possible. Kristin and I kind of live the dream out here. As I sit here looking out at a beautiful LA day – sailboats drifting by as I sit by our pool, I can’t help but think that I have to selfishly savor these moments as many of you deal with the realities of fatherhood. My peaceful serenity today and carefree enjoyment tonight is a gift to myself, for now. I will pay the price some day soon, but for now I am in no rush.

Here’s my promise to you my friends and acquaintances (and still some dudes in this league I swear I just don’t know): I will not rub it in - the joys of life right now without children. I know I am missing out on some wonderful things, but I can’t lie: life is grand. No diapers, no baby bjorns, no babysitters, no 3:AM feedings, no mess, no crying – just bliss. You can take some comfort and enjoyment though in this fact - when I’m 50 and have little kids throwing up on me at amusement parks you can all point at me and laugh.

Week 3 Post: Centaurus

2010-10-03T08:59:00.002-04:00

Whatup, fellas? Sorry I'm late with this (...kids). I'm not really even sure what I'm supposed to do here. Everyone thinks we suck, but everyone's not 3-0. Tuna is going bananas (double food references, that's why they're going to pay me the big bucks) out of the gate. I don't know much about fantasy football, but one of the things I thought I knew was that Adam wasn't very good at it. What changed? I bet Wagner's running his team.

Back to me not knowing much about fantasy football. I really don't. But it's 5:30 AM on game day, I've got the commish on my back, and I'm not trying to get suspended 4 weeks into my first season. You guys know enough about football though, don't you? I'm sure you spend most of your time thinking about it. That's what makes it so sad none of you are 3-0 like us. Seriously, how do you guys have time for anything else?

They say write what you know, and one thing I know is TV. So, since I don't really have any insight to offer y'all about what this blog was designed to discuss, here are some quick hits about the TV you've been missing while wondering why we are in first place instead of you when you clearly drafted the best team.

BOARDWALK EMPIRE (HBO): This show has gotten A LOT of hype. It's a period piece from the mind of a Sopranos writer (the Mad Men formula) with a pilot directed by Martin Scorcese. What's not to like? Well, it's kind of slow. Some of the dialogue is kind of clunky. The show should seem cooler than it does. So far it's not living up to the hype for me, but I think it has a chance to catch up to my high expectations. Same shit happened with Treme (which you should check out).

THE LEAGUE (FX): I was really pumped for this show when it started a year ago. It was pretty good. They've come back stronger in the second season though and it's fun to see real players getting involved in the show (Ochocinco is in the season premier). The second episode of this new season was amazing...my favorite episode thus far. Now that I've seen how good the show can be I'm much more excited about it.

ARCHER (FX): Hilarious. Coming back for it's second season in January. They're starting to hype up the new season on FX so try to catch a rerun. It's a cartoon, but don't act like you're above that.

IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA (FX): Honestly, I think this show fell off. It's still aight, but if you haven't seen it before don't start with the new episodes. Borrow the 2nd and 3rd season DVDs from Chris. I gave him the first 3 seasons for his birthday and I think he hates it. The 2nd and 3rd season are genius. A lot of people still like it though so who the fuck knows.

MODERN FAMILY (ABC): This was supposed to completely overthrow 30 Rock for best sitcom on the air, but I think after the hiatus in the first season it slowed down a little. It's still probably the best sitcom on TV (Curb could make a run when it comes back), but it's not a landslide. The first two episodes of the season have been good, not great, and more of the same. If you're not watching, you need to watch, but if you're watching, feel free to be a little disappointed.

MAD MEN (AMC): If you want to be cool you don't really have a choice.

GLEE (FOX): I thought this show was really sharp when it started. Now it sucks. Simple as that.

30 ROCK/THE OFFICE (NBC): If you're not watching these shows by now you're probably not going to start. Both had solid first episodes, but neither did any real damage out of the gate. Haven't seen the second episode of either though, so I'm a little behind.

THE EVENT (NBC): I'm not really sure how to explain what this show is about. It's a big fancy political thriller. It's in the same vein as shows like 24, Lost, and Heroes in that the excitement is generated by the lack of answers about the situation for both the characters and the viewers. The chances of this show having a long run of quality seasons are slim to none because with shows like this the mystique eventually wears off. With that said, one thing these types of shows tend to have in common is a strong, entertaining first season, so think about it.

PARENTHOOD (NBC): In my opinion it's the best show on TV. Well-written and everyone is good in it.

OUTLAW (NBC): New legal drama on NBC starring Jimmy Smits. It's not good. I just watched the pilot because RZA plays his first defendant.

OK, that's enough BS for one blog post. Sorry Goff, I know you were expecting a lot from me. I was expecting a lot from Gmail. I guess we're both disappointed.

P.S. I know I just said I think Parenthood is the best show on television, but there's one show that might be better and it's the one I'm watching right now...NFL MATCHUP. Jaws and that other dick breaking down X's and O's with no frills. This is far and away the best show on ESPN, so can someone, anyone, anywhere IN THE WORLD explain to me why it's only on at 5:30 AM on a Saturday night/Sunday morning?

Aight, I'm out. Thanks for reading. See you kids at the finish line.

Scoop of Tuna

2010-09-24T13:37:00.007-04:00

Randomized order? You mean to tell me that The Tuna was randomly selected to be first out of the gate? (Or was I randomizedly selected?)

Where did this whole write-up thing ever come from anyway? How did it get started? Was it a response to the stellar Scoops I used to write? If so, I sincerely apologize to you all. There was no way any of us asked for it. But, like typical Goffin style, he continues to execute interations of this rule that he cluelessly does not realize vex us all. Well, I wanna vex you up Goff (this is the sound of me hoping you all have that Color Me Badd song in your head all weekend).

Let's first readdress your no-lip policy. Why has it not dawned on you to simply NOT Cc: the whole league on your emails? You see that Bcc: box up top? Use it. I promise I won't tell Evan to email bigtime@football.cbssports.com whenever he wants to share the thoughts running through that legally insane brain of his. I won't even remind him when he asks me as often as if Lamel's fiance would be a good DJ for his wedding. I won't, I swear.

And how about your approach for introducing new rule suggestions. "Glantz wants kick and punt return yards to count towards players totals ... I think it's weird ... Let me know if you disagree.". God, I guess Google really does sell itself on it's own. First off, this is a suggestion for a small rule change. There are some in this league, the Commissioner included, who have made the drastic change to an Auction a completely uncomfortable experience for us all. It's caused an unnecessary forceful divide in our league. Everyone just leave it alone please. Not because I'm SO against it, cause I'm not. Just because I'm REALLY against talking about it.

Now, back to this small rule change suggestion. It's simple. Bottom line, the only yards/TD's/points that occur during a football game which do not get incorporated into our fantasy totals are those generated from special teams. We utilize unexciting statistics like assisted tackles and extra points but not the dynamic punt or kick returns for a touchdown? Just doesn't make sense to me. Why not bring a slightly more strategic aspect to our drafting into the mix by making some WR's / RB's / DB's more valuable on draft day and on football Sunday's? Or Monday's and Thursday's for that matter. I'm not saying that return yards should count as much as rushing/receiving but I think there's some value to them for sure. Not to mention the rare touchdowns that occur. I'm sick of having a WR returning a punt and saying "fuck, don't get hurt, don't get hurt, don't get hurt". Instead, I wanna have a McCluster Dance and sing 'The Dexter Dance Is Your Chance To Do The Hump' every time he darts down the field destined for a head on collision.

OK, enough of my rant, especially towards Goff. He means well and he's as good of a commish as you could ask for but boy it's a good thing he has me in his life. Let's move onto better topics. Like JP. Actually, sorry about that. After I publicly made fun of him for the 100th consecutive time he asked me very seriously to stop doing it. So I won't embarrass him and let you know that he's such a lil pussy for getting mad at stuff like this. I promised him I wouldn't call him out like that the next time I wrote to a group such as you. So I won't write anything about that pussy this week. Pussy: the obscene term for female genitals. Sorry, that just seems like the right word to use here.

Speaking of pussies. You ever realize that Luke is the pussy version of Chris? Take Chris and put him in Beverly Hills all his life and you basically get Luke. And, ummm, btw, Luke's not a writer for a living. Not yet anyway. If anything, he's just living to write. Kind of funny because Chris just lives now too. But in a much more unpussylike way (I think). That was my answer for a while to the 'What's Chris doing in Barcelona?' question. 'Living'. Now I think it's morphed into "Acting like a sexual predator on european social networking sites, doing some next version of P90X and finding out ways to rip people off for self-taught internet marketing services'.

A new year, and yet another pandering email from Brown. From the little I saw, Grublife actually looks like it has good potential. But Chief Grub Strategist? Come on Adam. I can't take you seriously until you change that.

And, back to football...

What are we going to do when the NFL moves to 18 games?

My thoughts?

Option 1: We play the first 7 weeks playing one team each week as usual. The next 8 weeks, we play 2 teams at once. This way, everybody plays each other twice and make it a little more enjoyable each week. It also puts more weight towards the end of the year and gives you a chance to get back into it if you start off slow.

Option 2: We expand the league by two teams and get two of the greatest former owners in Big Time history to come back in March and Fuckface.

Option 3: Make Weeks 1-18 a true roto-style competition for Total Points with more awards for 2nd/3rd place. Keep the H2H format for 1-13 with expanding the number of playoff teams to 9.

Maybe we should poll up my options now and prepare ourselves!?!?!?!?!?!?!

God, how annoying are people who do things like ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!???!!!??? And I was just kidding. Do not make a poll for that. Poll's are gay. Except for the ones I put up on chingaustedchris.com. Those are cool.

I can see it now. The Nuts get so frustrated with their backfield debacle and while refusing to trade Larry Fitzgerald, they deal Gates (who will be much more valuable than Fitz this year) for a bunk running back and a servicable TE to the team that will ultimately wind up winning the league. Typical. To which my response will be, why the hell didn't you go all out to get Mike Tolbert?

Did anybody else notice how much of an impact Wednesday had on our league? A.J. Smith might have single handedly prevented Vandelay Industries from putting themselves in KEK '09 position.

Do yourself a favor and don't turn off Taxi TV the next time Jimmy Kimmel comes on.

Peter Treadway. Just sounds like a name of a kid who could turn around a franchise such as the Empire after a disasterous fall.

I'm the fastest guy from Big Time and from Melville.

ING NYC Marathon Tune-Up Results 18 Miles

GLANTZ ADAM M33 MELVILLE NY 2:20:20 7:47
SEALOVE ERIC M34 NEW YORK NY 2:28:27 8:14
STEMPLER DAVID M33 NEW YORK NY 2:35:32 8:38

Well, that's all I got. Who the hell has time for this shit anyway?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

That's the scoop.
-Tuna

Weekly write-up: The Commission

2010-09-17T16:26:00.000-04:00

OK - Fellas. Here's the scoop on these blog posts.... We never had tremendous success - so we're going to try another way ... Over half the league likes the posts - so we're trying to keep them up ... Basically - every team (except the champ) will be asked to write ONE write-up per season. I will pre-assign the weeks. Should you fail to write the write-up - you will be deducted ONE point the following week from your score. That's the only penalty. It's minor. I'm hoping the bigger penalty will be the leagues response in trash talking to that team, etc ... but again ... we're gonna try it this way...

Here's the randomized order. Week is the NFL week
Week 1: (Bye - last years champs KEK)
Week 2: The Commission
Week 3: Tuna
Week 4: Centaurus
Week 5: AJ Ball
Week 6: Let it Ride
Week 7: Blue Steel
Week 8: Pigskin Pimps
Week 9: The Nuts
Week 10: Vandelay Industries
Week 11: Empire
Week 12: Hairy Bucknuts
Week 13: Hard Knocks
Week 14 (play-offs): H's and 8's (no way they do it)

OK - Now on to the weekly write-up...

So - why was I so un-Commissioner-like this week?? Up until yesterday afternoon ... I was convinced that we had a bed bug problem in our apartment. I don't know if anyone is educated on the topic - but it's f'n awful thing (not to mention creepy), especially with a one year old at home. I was a mess. I didn't sleep all week (literally), didn't have an appetite, etc.
So - why am I better now? Well - we got a "second opinion" - and it turns out that we don't really need "treatment" ... but ... because we prepped for treatment (which is a HUGE pain in the ass) ... we'll get it anyway on Monday... But this is a much better scenario than having a problem... I'm in a much better place...

Anyway - because of this (plus I was in Florida for last weeks Jewish holiday) - I can't lie - I really haven't been that connected with fantasy football. That's weird for me as you all know ... I caught about half of the Dolphin game ... half of the Kolb debacle and Sunday night football. I'm used to seeing EVERY game, EVERY week ... So - with that ... take my below random thoughts with a grain of salt....

Tuna putting up 173 against the Commission was a strong statement. Arian Foster? Seriously? 47 points? Is the luck of the Tuna back??? We shall see
So curious what NFL Sunday is like in Barcelona. Heller - do tell. They must be lucky, because putting up the 2nd lowest amount of points and still winning is VERY rare....
There are a bunch of teams this year that I think are "deep" - meaning having a bunch of solid options throughout their line-up. While this would be a great thing in regular football - I think it kinda sucks in Fantasy football. Who wants to make the wrong decision every week??
JP thinks I "jinxed" him because I said I thought Ryan Grant in the 3rd round was great value. Superstitious people are crazy! ;)
Glantz wants kick and punt return yards to count towards players totals ... I think it's weird ... Let me know if you disagree.
I have to say that when Brown/Fried told me they weren't going to be able to come to the draft - I was REALLY worried that they were going to be a time bottle-neck. As I told them, happily surprised by their speed. Who woulda thought that the time sucks would come from Evan's smoking break and Josh's fear of Evan.
Does anyone NOT look at their schedule before week 1 to see who they play in given weeks without byes or is that just a fantasy nerd hobby?
After week 1, there are severe questions on that third tier of WRs ... Sims-Walker, Crabtree, D. Jackson, D.Bowe... Here's hoping this years trading activity picks up a little...
In case anyone has never checked out the "History" tab ... Here is the ALL-TIME BigTime Standings:

All Time Records
Team	W	L	T	Pct
The Commission	94	47	0	0.667
Blue Steel	87	58	0	0.600
Centaurus	82	62	0	0.569
Hard Knocks	81	62	1	0.566
Let it Ride	78	66	0	0.542
Vandelay Industries	77	68	0	0.531
The Nuts	71	71	0	0.500
Krazy-Eyez Killa's	67	72	0	0.482
Hookers and 8-balls	68	74	0	0.479
Pigskin Pimps	62	76	1	0.450
Hairy Bucknuts	62	77	0	0.446
AJ Ball	61	82	0	0.427
Tuna	57	86	0	0.399
Empire	35	65	0	0.350

That's all I've got ... Pick-ups are tonight at 9.

2010 Pay-out Structure

2010-09-02T16:38:00.002-04:00

Winner gets $5,425
Runner-up gets $1,750
Regular Season Accolades - $500 per "Power Ranking Category"
- Record ($500)
- Points ($500)
- Breakdown ($500)
Ties will split the money - no tie-breakers
League-wide scoring play-off winner gets: $800
Weekly Score winners (weeks 1-13): $975
Third place gets $600
Horses ass fee: $300 - Winner of Toilet Bowl gets $300
Cost of Site: $150

Week 16 pick-ups

2009-12-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

T. Heap $4 KEK
C. Henne $3 Vandelay
R. Lindell $2 KEK
D. Lee $1 Vandelay
J. Parker $1 KEK
T. Porter 1 Vandelay
G. Camarillo 1 Vandelay
M. Kiwanunka 1 Vandelay

Week 15 Pick-ups

2009-12-16T21:30:00.001-05:00

Although I've written people a bunch of times on the topic - we still had a team or two bid on blacklisted players ... I basically just ignored them. Here are this weeks pick-ups and added blacklisted players.

Pick-ups:
A. Foster $5 Krazy Eyes Killaz
J. Cribbs $4 The Commission
B. Pollard $3 Krazy Eyes Killaz
D. Revis $3 H's and 8's
D. Butler $3 Hard Knocks
P. Hillis $2 H's and 8's
P. Posluski $2 Krazy Eyes Killaz
B. Scaife $1 Hairy Bucknuts
J. Laurenitis $1 Hairy Bucknuts
M. Hart $1 Centaurus
E. Moore $1 Centaurus

Blacklisted Additions:

C. Portis
J. Byrd
M. Flynn
Kevin Smith
L. Evans
C. Simpson
R. Marshall
T. Ginn Jr.
S. Ellis
M. Morris
T. Scheffler

Rotobowl Standings after Round One of Play-offs

2009-12-15T10:27:00.002-05:00

week 13 sucks

2009-12-10T17:04:00.002-05:00

I think Al Michaels said it best on Sunday night when talking about Jared Allen:

“Sooner or later 69 will be in your face.”

I guess the obvious thing to write today would be a playoff preview, but by now we know better, anyone can win it at this point. Predicting the outcomes of all the games is a waste of time. Instead I’ll just take a look at some of the playoff teams, and some random thoughts.

KEK, The Nuts, and Centaurus are the best teams heading into the 2^nd season. The Commission and HK is the next tier, won a lot of games, but aren’t scaring anyone. Blue Steel and Bucknuts are the wildcards. (Is Goff happy that I didn’t list them as one of the best teams? Would that be a jinx? Or is the fact that I’m bringing it up more of a jinx? Or is the fact that I just brought up that I brought it up make it reversed so now its all good?)

This is the first time in a few years that I’m not going to win money from my high stakes leagues (read about the start of my disastrous semi-final battle here http://thehellerboyz.com/thanks/), so winning Bigtime is important. I’m gonna try really, really hard…so beware. I still haven’t engraved my name in the trophy from last year. I’m thinking I should just wait the 3 weeks and get it done twice.

I can’t believe I’m saying (writing?) this, but JP is the GM of the year. He had a pretty good draft, but the trade deadline moves is what made him win the pts race and be one of the favorites heading into the playoffs. I guess I could argue for myself, drafting a juggernaut and not making one trade is impressive. It’s kind of like Phil Jackson vs. Scott Brooks for NBA coach of the year. When you’re an icon people expect greatness and you sometimes get overlooked. When you suck, the smallest sign of competence gets rewarded. Anyway, upgrading the wr2/wr3 spots from Avery/Knox/Berrian to Driver/Santonio was huge. Nice work Jordan.

If KEK doesn’t win this thing I think it can be attributed to one major (non) move. They should have upgraded their QB position before the trade deadline. They clearly had the deepest team in the league all season long. The Garrard/Flacco/Hasselbeck trio has to be annoying as shit to figure out who to start each week.

Is the Colts comfortable position going to affect the Bigtime super bowl? They’ve made it clear that they’re sticking with their policy of resting their guys at the end of the regular season. Will that mean week 16 too? With Peyton/Addai/Clark/Wayne all being major factors in this years playoffs, there may be some tough decisions for the super bowl GM’s.

I’m happily surprised to see the auction vs. draft poll not be a landslide in favor of keeping the draft. Maybe we’re growing up. The simplest way I can put it to all of you who are anti-auction is ‘it’s more fair’. All of us will have an equal chance to get every player in the league. Everyone begins on equal ground. I’ve never done a football auction so that has nothing to do with me advocating it. It just makes more sense.

That’s all I got for now. I mean, even this quick post is better than 90% of the (lack of) performances we’ve seen this season on here.

I’ll finish up with one question that I know has been on everyone of our minds recently:

What’s the website that Sandler goes on to get random chicks to come over to his apartment late at night???

Week 14 Pick-ups

2009-12-09T21:12:00.001-05:00

Another reminder that this week is first week of blacklist - which is listed below.

Pick-ups going into Week 14 (first round of play-offs)
Q. Ganther $12 The Commission
D. Thomas $8 The Commission
G. Hartley $6 Centaurus
J. Babineux $5 The Commission
S. Ellis $4 Krazy Eyes Killaz
R. Marshall $3 Krazy Eyes Killaz
B. Quinn $3 Hard Knocks
Mark Clayton $2 Centaurus
J. Reed $1 Hairy Bucknuts
N. Rackers $1 Blue Steel
T. Thomas $1 The Nuts
T. Pryce $1 Vandelay Industries
M. Prater $1 Vandelay Industries

BLACKLIST:

D. Ware
B. Dawkins
D. Manning
R. Edwards
Q. Mikkel
M. Bush
C. Jennings
J. Edelman
M. Moore
J. Sorgi
C. Cooley
J. Carney
A. Caldwell

AJ Ball Weekly write-up

2009-12-03T06:51:00.002-05:00

Written by Mr Fried

The season is too long and to be honest, AJ Ball has been too bad this year for us to have avoided this fate at least once this season. And so I write. Despite my having missed the last two drafts due to my living 3000 miles away, I write. I write because it is our responsibility. I am a fan of the write-ups, and I get so pissed when a team fails to write one, that I figure we must lead by example.

I am of course, the childless member of our team, and so while Brown's daughters are being bathed and breast fed, I write.

I really have had nothing to say though. I was hoping that by just writing - just some stream of consciousness - that something interesting might come out. It hasn't.

I wanted to thank Glantz for the shout out during his write-up. It's nice to know that my absence from the draft has not left me completely forgotten.

I am in another fantasy football league and my team is 9-3 and in first place. I haven't told Brown yet. He will be pissed. I mean, he knows I am in another league, but he definitely doesn't know that I traded away Deangelo Williams and Greg Olsen in that league, but we kept them in this league.

Sealove taunted me today about having to do the write-up this week. What a dick.

I can't believe that the guy on the Red Zone channel with the big ears is actually on television. Is he kidding? He has one ear that is completely ridiculous. I also think that that channel should be more like the old "George Michael's Sports Machine." He should have to hit a large sized button on a weird fake machine to send us from game to game.

I'm really excited for American Idol to start. Is that a little soft?

I got really drunk two weeks ago and actually threw up on my friend's porch. Hadn't done that in a while. It was like riding a bike.

Ok - I am really struggling here. I am going to just post a joke that was e-mailed to me today that I enjoyed. Sorry for the lame post. Hopefully Glantz will have low score next week and we can all be more entertained.

A koala was sitting in a gum tree... smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,

'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side.

Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint.

The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Sheeeeeeeeeeyit dude... How much water did you drink?'

Week 13 Pick-ups

2009-12-02T21:28:00.000-05:00

As a reminder - starting next week - anyone you drop cannot be picked up by any team for the rest of the season ... Here are this weeks pick-ups ...

J. Harrison $12 The Nuts
B. Dawkins $4 The Commission
S. White $3 Centaurus
M. Flynn $1 Centuarus
A. Fasano $1 Hairy Bucknuts
T. Harris $1 O-Toro
D. Goldson $1 Hard Knocks

Week 12 Pick-ups

2009-11-25T23:17:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone ... Hope you enjoy the 3 games ... (oh - and family dinner) ...
Here are this weeks' pick-ups:

R. Cartwright $32 Hard Knocks
J. Finley $12 The Nuts
D. Ware $12 The Commission
L. Hilliard $5 Krazy Eyes Killaz
J. Edelman $3 Vandelay Industries
C. Jennings $3 Centaurus
D. Bowens (Yes - that f*cker who stole from us in college) $3 Hard Knocks
G Wilson $1 Pigskin Pimps
B. Jackson $1 Blue Steel
J. Avant $1 Blue Steel
D. Thomas $1 Blue Steel
J. Greer $1 Vandelay Industries
C. Simpson $1 Krazy Eyes Killaz
D. Dockett $1 Centaurus

Week 11 Pick-ups

2009-11-18T21:47:00.000-05:00

Seems like this week is when teams decided to invest in a couple of names on the free agent wire...Some key games over the next few weeks...

J. Snelling $33 Krazy Eyes Killaz
L. Johnson $30 H's and 8's
B. Scott $16 Blue Steel
A. Carter $8 The Nuts
B. Gibson $7 The Commission
S. Morris $6 Centaurus
L. Long $4 The Commission
L. Rankin $3 Blue Steel
J. Feely $2 O-Toro
R. Harper $2 O-Toro
M. Bradley $2 Centaurus
T. Jackson $1 Blue Steel
A. Brown $1 H's and 8's
C. Griffin $1 Vandelay Industries
S. Straughter $1 Vandelay Industries
T. Branch $1 Centaurus

Sandler's Poop of the Week

2009-11-13T08:47:00.003-05:00

Tuna can’t have the lowest points every week and since my team is guaranteed to have lowest points at least twice a year here comes Sandlers Poop of the Week!

So I was walking through Penn station on my way to LI when I passed by Penn Books; I decided to enter. As I enter the first book that catches my attention was of a cut out face of a hot bodied blond with some dudes arm around her. The title “I hope they serve beer in hell”. Come on this cant be good? So I read the back to hear the review….”I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I do not believe in g-d anymore. No just g-d would allow someone like you to exist” (yeah I am Jewish so I do not write o in g-d. Big whoop wana fight about it?)

JACKPOT!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a little taste of Tucker Max:

He just got done fucking a fat girl, she falls asleep and is awoken by his roommates that knew he was going out with a fat girl that he met from his website.

Hate - “MAX BRING OUT THE FATTY!! LET’S SEE HER!!!”
Credit - “Tell her I have a cheeseburger!”
Hate - “MAX!! LET’S HAVE A LOOK AT HER!! BRING HER OUT!! WOOOOOOO-WEEEEEEEE

Of course I can't help but laugh. That shit is funny. But it wasn’t the best part

FatGirl - “ What are they talking about? Should we go out there?”
Tucker - “Uh, no. So…..do you just want to spend the night? it’s already like midnight?”
FatGirl - I would love to, but I can’t I have to go to work tomorrow and I can’t leave from here for work. In fact I need to get going real soon.

Great. Now how do I get her out of here without my roommates meeting her? Hate and Credit eventually settled down in the living room to watch TV, and I devised a plan, Since the door to my room faces the front door to the apartment, I didn’t need to move the Fartgirl through the living room to get her out of the apartment. I could just rushed her from my room out the front door an to her car.

Tucker” Alright, you put your clothes on and then we need to get you out of the apartment”
FatGirl -”Get me out? What about your friends? Don’t they want to meet me?
Tucker - “trust me , you do not want to meet my friends. They are evil, Rapists and murderers, both of them. Very unsavory characters:
FatGirl ”No, I want to meet them, They sound fun:
Tucker “ This is not an options”
FatGirl “Tucker, you are not hustling me out here like some prostitute.”
Tucker Fine, but meeting my roommates is not an option:
FatGirl - But Tucker, I want to meet you roommates. Hold on, let me pee, and then I put my clothes on and go out and meet them.

Are you kidding me? The day I bend my will to fat girls is the day I retire.

I considered my options for a second, then very calmly opened the window in my room and heaved all her clothes out into the yard. She was confused when she came out of the bathroom.

FatGirl - Where are my clothes?
Tucker - (pointing out his window) If you want to meet my friends you are going to do it naked.
FatGirl - Why did you do that?
Tucker - You can wither go out the window after your clothes, or you can run out the front door and go get them. Its dark out. No one will see you. Or you can meet my friends naked.

She made a run for the door…He followed her and locked the door.

Tucker sits with his friends…

Hate - Max, where is she?
Tucker - she is gone
Hate - wha-how-where is she?
Tucker - I hustled her right the fuck out. I am not about to let you jackasses see her
Hate - ahahahahahahahahahah
Credit - I wondered what that stampede sound was.

Tucker Max meet Dwayne Sandler (my drunk alter ego when I was in college).

My Story wasn’t as mean but still I fucked a few fat girls in my time.

It was back in in 2001 and I was living on the upper Westside with March and some dude Evan we went to HS with. We lived in a duplex and my room was downstairs.

We came back one night from a bar and we were all wasted! I was horny and I just learned that it was so easy to have sex with women that were online at 1am in a chat room. But when you do this you have to look for a girl with a cute face but of course she is going to be fat. I mean come on what hot girl surfs the net to pick up a horny guy that just want to fuck you. So I get in contact with this girl we exchange picture and she is about a 5. She is about 180 lbs with big tits (they looked firm) and a large ass, her face was not that bad (being I was seriously Dwayne drunk), so I made the move.

Dwayne - so you want to come over??
FatGirl - Umm sure…what’s your address?

Women are whores and that’s amazing!

So I go upstairs and sit with March and Evan as they start to play risk on X-Box. 30 min later like Dominos pizza the Fat Girl arrives….Knock, Knock….

So I open the door with my back to March and Evan so they can’t see what she looks like. She looks at me and I look at her and I escort her to the stairs. I hear in the background two aholes laughing hysterically at my antics.

On the way down she asks you didn’t want to chill with your roommates? No fucking way!!

We enter my room and have about 2hrs of nasty, hair pulling, ass slapping, sloppy sex…She gave a great BJ (what fat girl doesn’t) and then I banged her every which way. As we lay there after the 2 nasty hrs I can’t help but think how do I get this fatty out of my place after I just tooled her around. Living in the basement of the apartment I couldn’t throw her shit out the window. So I decided to stick it out for another 1hr. After about 10 min I freaked out and told her that she needed to leave because my girlfriend was coming over. She called me an asshole and told me if she knew I was dating someone she would have never came over. YEAH RIGHT! WHORE! I told her I she was a lot of fun, great in bed, and really hot (ewwww no fucking way)…..She seemed to calm down and told me that I was a nice guy for being honest with her.

Nice guy? WHORE!!

As I usher her up the stairs to the door I hear March and Evan still playing video games. It was like 3:30am and they were still up? This sucks because she started walking up the steps in front of me and I couldn’t block their view of her. As we get to the top of the steps I want to vomit so bad, one because I am really still hammered and two because the girl that I thought was a 5 was really a 3.

I was drunk how could I tell she was a 3? After the reaction I saw from March and Evans face I knew she was not as good looking as I first thought. She was actually the #2 ugliest girl I have ever banged.

She departs and I go hang out with March and Evan and they can’t stop teasing me…

March - Dude she looked like me with tits! - (I dry heave)

After about another 20 minutes of teasing, laughing and bong hits I decide to head to bed.

Now on to fantasy football -

My team is making me sick….I do not know how many more times one my running backs will get to the one yard line and then the team decides to throw the ball and I miss out on a TD. Or one of my wide receivers breaks away from a defender only to get pulled down at the 2 yd line. That happened to me 3 times last week! Mendenhall twice and Henderson once! F-ing fantasy football!

Now that there is a 7th playoff spot many teams are still in the hunt!

Guru Sandman!

Winners
Hairy Bucknuts
Commish
KEK
Pimps
Nuts
HK
AJ

Lowest Points
H&8’s - Don’t worry about them writing up anything!

Borstein and Deutsch - Sweet night out of Vernon Davis!

Good luck to all!

That’s the poop!
DS

Week 10 Pick-ups

2009-11-11T21:29:00.001-05:00

Another week last week without a write-up ... sweet ...
Anyway - on to the pick-ups where there seems to be mostly scraps this week...Here we go...

J. Freeman $12 The Nuts
L. Weaver $10 H's and 8's

G. Camarillo $7 Centaurus
M. Clayton $6 Centuarus
J. Byrd $5 H's and 8's
A. Hargrove $3 The Nuts
K. Wimbley $1 H's and 8's
L. Little $1 H's and 8's
N. Rackers $1 Hard Knocks
M. Stroud $1 Hard Knocks
J. Sorgi $1 Hard Knocks
B. Quinn $1 The Commission
J. Babinaeux $1 Centuarus
J. Jones $1 Hairy Bucknuts
C. Woodson $1 Hairy Bucknuts
B. Pettigrew $1 Hairy Bucknuts
S. Scobee $1 Pigskin Pimps
D. Hawthorne $1 Pigskin Pimps
G. Coffee $1 Pigskin Pimps
D. Smith $1 Vandelay Industries

Trades before the deadline...

2009-11-07T08:42:00.002-05:00

O-Toro sends Mario Manningham to Hard Knocks in exchange for Lendale White and $10.

Hark Knocks sends the other Giants WR Steve Smith to Blue Steel for Marion Barber, Tashard Choice and Torry Holt.

The Nuts send Tim Hightower to Let it Ride for Donald Driver.

24 hours+ to go before trade deadline...

Week 9 Pick-ups

2009-11-05T21:51:00.002-05:00

A lot of IDP action this week ... Remember that the trade deadline is right before game-time on Sunday.... here are this week's pick-ups:

M. Morris $45 Hairy Bucknuts
R. Moats $32 Vandelay Industries
B. Havner $4 Empire
D. Manning $4 The Commission
J. Gage $4 The Commission
J. Wilkerson $4 AJ Ball
B. Cushing $4 Vandelay Industries
D. Freeney $3 O-Toro
Z. Miller $3 Krazy Eyes Killaz
M. Thomas $3 Pigskin Pimps
K. Smith $2 O-Toro
J. Campbell $2 Empire
L. Hall $2 Empire
J. Greer $2 Hairy Bucknuts
T. Decoud $1 Blue Steel
R. Starks $1 Blue Steel
S. White $1 Centaurus
D. Anderson $1 Centaurus
R. Edwards $1 Krazy Eyes Killaz
O. Umenyiora $1 Hard Knocks
A. Green $1 O-Toro
D. Bess $1 Krazy Eyes Killaz
R. Gould $1 Pigskin Pimgs
C. Jenkins $1 The Commission
A. Haynesworth $1 O-Toro
S. Hauschka $1 O-Toro
C. Campbell $1 Empire
T. Porter $1 Vandelay Industries

Trade Deadline - and two trades

2009-11-05T10:40:00.001-05:00

Hey Fellas - For those that don't check the site - the trade deadline is before
gametime this Sunday .... With that said - last night two trade
occurred.

Krazy Eyes Killaz sent Ricky Williams to Empire in exchange for Joe
Flacco. They also sent S. Holmes to The Nuts in exchange for Heath
Miller.

Pick-ups due at 9 PM tonight. .... Starting NEXT WEEK (sorry for the
premature email last night) - pick-ups will be due on Wednesday night
at 9 PM....

Week 8 Pick-ups

2009-10-29T23:34:00.002-04:00

Good job by the old men of the league writing the write-up ... Proud of you guys... On to pick-ups... The most $30+ bids on one player we've had thus far this season (I think 4 teams bid in the $30's ... but the winning bid came in at ... $49)... Matt Prater also a hot commodity at a much less price...

S. Greene $49 Let it Ride
B. Hartline $11 Blue Steel
F. Davis $9 AJ Ball
A. Smith $5 AJ Ball
M. Prater $3 KEK
D. Carpenter $2 H's and 8's
C. Grant $2 H's and 8's
B. McFadden $2 H's and 8's
R. Seymour $2 Empire
N. Clements $2 The Commission
C. Kelsey $1 Blue Steel
O. Mare $1 Empire
K. Bullock $1 Pigskin Pimps
J. Snelling $1 Hairy Bucknuts
D. Rogers-Cromartie $1 O-Toro
K. Williams $1 O-Toro
E. James $1 O-Toro
W. Witherspoon $1 Let it Ride
J. Peterson $1 Centaurus
J. Hanson $1 Centaurus
C. Avril $1 Centaurus

It's a Hard Knocks Life

2009-10-29T18:40:00.002-04:00

We had the Curtis family over for an early dinner this past Sunday amidst one of the biggest debacles in the history of team Hard Knocks. Every few minutes I would take a peek at Live Scoring only to see Fred Jackson's stat line read 2 carries, -1 yard for most of the first half (clearly it didn't get much better in the 2nd). Anyway, Monday morning I got an email from Jen Curtis with the subject line Sick? The body of the email continued "Hey. Did you get sick from the Chinese food? We are on our way home from the hospital, been there all night." Keith was very ill.

Was this a joke? Was she merely suggesting that Keith had gotten sick from how badly our fantasy team performed the day before? Was I about to get hit with Yao Ming's Revenge too? Sadly, she was not kidding. Keith had spent the night vomiting, diarrhea, 2 bags of IV. Not good times. Why am I telling you this? Well primarily because, like most of you, I don't have much else to discuss in this forum and am equally as pissed off that I actually have to spend time writing this. But I also thought it was an odd coincidence worth sharing with everyone. And well, stories about vomiting are always pretty funny, as long as it's not you who is doing the vomiting (thankfully, the Sealove family made it out unscathed).

On to the World Series- as most of you know, I am a Mets fan (a pretty big one at that). So basically, the 2009 World Series is my worst baseball nightmare come true. Our nemesis, the Phillies vs. our New York City big brother whose fan base has made it a habit to torture every Mets fan since the late 1980's, reminding us constantly of how good their team is and how bad our team is. Thanks assholes.

Well, I went to the game last night anyway (Game 1). Why? Why would I put myself through such suffering? The honest answer is that I was offered 14th row seats behind home plate. How can any self respecting sports fan turn that down? I ended up 2 rows behind Daryl Strawberry which was pretty cool. Unfortunately, Scott, his beak was not sideways.

(The new Yankee Stadium? Pretty cool, but Citi is better. I had the pulled pork sandwich which apparently comes from Brother Jimmy's. Good, but the Blue Smoke version at Citi blows it away.)

The game ended up being phenomenal with Cliff Lee giving one of the best World Series pitching performances in recent history, 2 monster home runs, a controversial call, and Michelle Obama throwing out the first pitch with Yogi Berra and Jill Biden (sweet). In a strange twist of events they had a ceremonial walk-the-game-ball-out-to-the-pitchers-mound after the first pitch was thrown (a sad effort to prolong the pre-game brouhaha). Ladies and Gentlemen - Wade Boggs! Call me crazy, but was this really a tribute to the Yankees? Won't he be remembered as a member of Red Sox?

Anyway, I realized when I got there just how much I hated both sets of fans. Although, with a gun to my head, I think I have to give the slight edge to Yankee fans. What a sense of entitlement from these pricks. "We haven't won in 9 years." Boo-fucking-hoo. Go kill yourselves. So I decided that I am rooting for the Phillies. Am I rooting hard for them? Of course not. I would end up like Curtis on Sunday night if I had to do that. But it would be good for the National League and even more so, if they repeat it only makes next season's New York Mets comeuppance that much more grand. Let's Go Mets!!!

Small trade - Week 7

2009-10-24T18:54:00.001-04:00

The Commission send Vernon Davis to H's and 8's in exchange for Lee Evans and $5 FA funds. Figures H's and 8's end up with VD....

Scoop of Tuna

2009-10-23T14:10:00.003-04:00

Just a few minor housekeeping items before we get started.

Apparently, Big Time groupie Mandie Reed was the only one excited about Vandelay sending Mercedes Lewis to Centaurus for $2 FA Funds (see blog comments below). Elsewhere, JP was caught strategizing about increasing the penalty for not doing the write-up. I don't even have a joke here. Don't you have better things to do? Like writing Top 10 lists?

And....

Top 10 Things Deutsch Was NOT Doing This Week That Prevented Him From Doing The Write-Up

10. Answering phone calls from ANYONE.
9. Sorting through all of his text message responses.
8. Researching Tight Ends on the Free Agent market who average more than 30 yards a game.
7. Looking at Michael Turner and Jerome Harrison's stat lines from two weeks ago.
6. Interviewing.
5. Reading the Wall Street Journal.
4. Showing up within even a 15 minute grace period to meet friends for dinner, much less 30 minutes.
3. Caring about The Commish's uncomfortable disdain for people not doing the write-up.
2. Reading articles about Ohio State's chances of making a BCS bowl game.
1. Trying to write a Top Ten list dissing on the Tuna.

That's the scoop.

- Tuna

Week 7 Pick-ups

2009-10-22T21:57:00.004-04:00

So curious to see if H's and 8's actually writes a write-up this week ... So sad that teams just don't care.... Anyway ... Here are this weeks' pick-ups:

J. Fargas $21 Pigskin Pimps
A. Caldwell $17 The Nuts
T. Scheffler $12 Hairy Bucknuts
S. Aiken $8 Blue Steel
B. Green-Ellis $6 Centaurus
Y. Bell $4 The Nuts
L. Briggs $4 The Nuts
B. Sanders $3 The Commission
James Jones $3 Vandelay Industries
Jacoby Jones $3 Vandelay Industries
R. Succop $3 Empire
L. Little Blue Steel
N. Barnett $2 O-Toro
B. Watson $2 Let it Ride
D. Freeney $2 Centaurus
R. Meachem $2 H's and 8's
J. Russell $1 O-Toro
M. Floyd $1 Centaurus
M. Stover $1 Vandelay Industries
D. Revis $1 Hairy Bucknuts
M. Peterson $1 H's and 8's
J. Sorgi $1 Hard Knocks
J. Reed $1 H's and 8's

Let ir Ride Fined...

2009-10-19T09:20:00.003-04:00

Let it Ride failed to write the low week write-up last week ... They will be deducted $10 FA Funds.

JP wanted to have a discussion about increasing the penalty moving forward. I think the league knows that I'm game for this - but I told JP that he's in the minority... My only other thought is that if you fail to write the write-up -- you have to add $25 to the pot or something like that - but - yes - good luck trying to collect that Commish.... Right?

Bottom-line - there are just some people who don't care and others who do ... I guess we'll just have to hope that the teams who do care come in last place for the week (although it seems like the teams that don't care come in last every week - so maybe there is a correlation??)

Week 6 Pick-ups

2009-10-15T22:01:00.004-04:00

Not a lot out there ... A bunch of IDP moves...

J. Maclin $18 Hard Knocks
J. Wilkerson $5 Empire
J. Gaffney $5 Vandelay Industries
C. Woodson $4 Blue Steel
K. Morrison $4 Krazy Eyes Killaz
D. Clowney $4 The Commission
B. Dawkins $3 The Commission
M. Jones $3 Centaurus
C. Greenway $3 AJ Ball
Z. Miller $2 Blue Steel
J. Carney $2 Blue Steel
V. Young $2 The Nuts
D. McGowan $2 H's and 8's
D. Manning $2 Pigskin Pimps
A. Ogunleye $2 O-Toro
J. Laurenitis $1 Hard Knocks
A. Carter $1 Vandelay Industries
B. Scott $1 Hairy Bucknuts
M. Prater $1 Hairy Bucknuts
D. Hall $1 Let it Ride
O. Mare $1 Let it Ride
W. Smith $1 Let it Ride
A. Curry $1 O-Toro
E. Reed $1 The Nuts

Small Trade

2009-10-15T19:32:00.001-04:00

Vandelay sends Marcedes Lewis to Centaurus for $2 FA Funds

Trade Offer Etiquette

2009-10-14T16:46:00.003-04:00

I wrote the following to our fantasy baseball league at the start of last year - and based on some conversations with another owner - I thought I'd post it to this blog....

This post isn't directed to anyone in particular. It's more of a general thought I've had over the years...

I think there should be two unspoken rules with regards to fantasy trade offers:
1) Respond in a timely fashion.
2) No one should get "offended" by any offer they receive. If you don't like an offer - simply respond - "no thanks" and go on with your day.

Trades are fun to think of - but hard to execute. (Yes - the chances of owners having inflated value on their own team is very likely) Responding in a timely fashion just makes the overall trade thought process more enjoyable.

I don't think anyone should get offended by a bad offer. Bad offers are 99% of the starting points. If someone offers Mike Furrey for AP, clearly he's wasting your time - but by the way - your time in that example is 2 seconds. Simply say - no thanks - and laugh.

Just my thoughts. Good Luck to all.

WEAK-ly write-ups

2009-10-09T15:32:00.002-04:00

Fellas - A bunch of you have pinged me over the weeks to complain about weak weekly write-ups... While I 100% share your frustration - It's not something I realistically can control.

This is a "community" - and I think we all very much appreciate being entertained by solid weekly write-ups ... So ... When a poor write-up happens - we should let the people know who wrote them that it was below BigTime standards. Plenty of people won't care ... We all clearly have big life responsibilities - and there are times when minor things like your weekly Fantasy write-up slip through the cracks ... but ... my hope is that there is pride in EFFORT that everyone in this league shares over time - and when that effort is not met - that we all voice our opinions - and not just the commish.

Again?

2009-10-09T12:02:00.003-04:00

So here I am again, writing this blog, which I can no longer read regularly because I have become a Daddy. Big up to all my Papi's in the league! So this is going to be short and sweet. Fatherhood has taught me to focus less on fantasy football and more on my family. So, what has that done for me? Well, absolutely nothing. We are off to our usual, nice, solid 1-3 start. Not surprising to me considering the Pimps are now a staggering 23 and 36 from 2005-present. So my point is that whether Chuck and I are fully dedicated to FF (like we were from 2005-2008) or our families, the Pimps tend to just freakin suck no matter what. But when its all said and done, after a shitty week of work, and another loss in the L column appears after the weekend, I still get to hang with him. Peace fellas. Lets Go Blue.

Week 5 Pick-ups

2009-10-08T22:37:00.003-04:00

Pretty crazy week for pick-ups. Tons of competition on a number of guys - including the top WR - M. Massaquoi - in which the winning bid was $26 ..... 2 bids of $25 and one of $24 (plus tons of others in double digits) ....Also - we had a record of number of pick-ups in one week ... O-Toro picked-up (and dropped) 6 guys this week ... Nutty week for pick-ups... Here we go ...

M. Massaquoi $26 O-Toro
S. Morris $18 Pigskin Pimps
M. Crabtree $11 O-Toro
B. Scott $8 Empire
M. Furrey $7 Hard Knocks
L. Maroney $7 O-Toro
D. Culpepper $6 Vandelay Industries
J. Finley $5 O-Toro
J. Avant $5 Vandelay Industries
D. Akers $5 The Commission
D. Sharper $4 Centaurus
M. Lewis $4 Vandelay Industries
D. Freeney $3 Empire
B. Pettigew $3 AJ Ball
O. Umenyoira $3 The Nuts
EJ Henderson $3 Blue Steel
A. Vinatieri $3 Blue Steel
S. Greene $3 Centaurus
J. Scobee $3 Empire
B. Scaife $3 H's and 8's
C. Hope $2 O-Toro
J. Reed $2 AJ Ball
M. Stroud $2 Hard Knocks
N. Rackers $2 Pigskin Pimps
M. Bulger $1 Krazy Eyes Killaz
J. Hall $1 H's and 8's
C. Bailey $1 Hard Knocks
J. Feely $1 O-Toro
S. Ryan $1 Hard Knocks
Kicker TBD $1 The Nuts
DL TDB (?) $1 Blue Steel

Minor Trade

2009-10-08T21:06:00.001-04:00

The Nuts trade Kerry Collins to Hairy Bucknuts in exchange for $12 FA funds.

OY VEY!!!

2009-10-02T14:33:00.004-04:00

Text message:
Goffin - Just a reminder you that u got lowest week (smiley face)!
Sandler - Dude have I ever missed? My team is making me fing crazy!
Goffin - I know - just like to make sure

What do you know? That my team blows? Well thanks A LOT! I think my partner has called me 60 times to make sure I know my team sucks and that he can‘t believe we only scored 58points…

Was I a bad Jew this year? In years past I have either won both or split the weeks of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I don’t understand? I saw Tuna in Temple this weekend and he turns to me and says how’s your match up look tonight? I said dude I got crushed!! Tuna - (in a whisper) Oh Yeahhhh you had a tough week….I wanted to say No SHIT! Didn’t you see TO had 0 points? But we were in Temple and his brother was sitting next to me and I didn’t want to mess up his chi; Peter knows how to doven. I have a love/hate relationship with TO. I have had him on my team (05‘,06‘,07‘.09‘) and he was solid….Where is Mr. Hyde? Every time there is controversy he blows up and is a top10 WR! I am sure he will get a lot of passes thrown his way or he will take it upon himself to get behind center and run the wild cat.

Borstein and Deutsch I mean come on….I know, I know taking care of a baby is hard (he is in the Hampton’s right now chilling) but take a few minutes out of your day and sit down with a beer and write a paragraph or two instead of copy and pasting. The Jews in Bigtime have all been to Hebrew school and know what the fucking Holiday represents. Deutsch I took a look again at Tuna’s write up and I have to say if 50% of that list is true and from what I am told its more like 80% you had more then ample time to sit down and write a little something.

You both suck!

Blue Steel - just offered me J. Jones or C. Benson for G. Jennings?
Hairy Bucknuts - counter - T Jones or D. Sproles for R. Wayne?

Dicks!

Is anyone sick and tired of hearing about Michael Jackson? The dude diddled little boys and he is still a god in the eyes of billions of people. Fuck him! I think he should have been buried with is ass in the air so there is a place I could park my 10 speed. No I am not one of those guys who cycles up and down the palisades every weekend; I think they are fags...Riding hours with your ass jammed in a bike seat that looks and feels like a cock doesn’t seem like my kind of fun.

Dare I say J. E. T S. - JETS, JETS, JETS!!!
Worst part about it is my #1 pick is going up against them this weekend…Fucking great! Who do I cheer for? Jets lose and they go 3-1 still tops of their division; Hairy Bucknuts lose we go 1-3 and we are in serious trouble. Fuck the Jets lets go Brees!

Guru Sandman

Winners
Hairy Bucknuts
Nuts
Hard Knocks
Pimps
KEK
Commish
LIR

Most points - KEK

Least points - Vandelay

Congrats to Vandelay Industries aka Cool HWIP for a stellar season in Fantasy Baseball. You took the lead and held it for a hwile. Well done. And an OMG to Brett Goffin and silent partner David Borstein for coming in last place.

Week 4 Pick-ups

2009-10-01T20:55:00.004-04:00

I think the trade chatter has picked-up during this past week (with one deal done already) ... Keep the chatter going ... Now on to pick-ups....

M. Wallace $14 AJ Ball
K. Burton $8 O-Toro
M. Kelly $7 Vandelay
D. Anderson $7 Blue Steel
B. Johnson $6 Blue Steel
S. Wallace $6 Vandelay
D. Hixon $5 The Commission
A. Bethea $3 Pigskin Pimps
K. Washington $3 Empire
J. Stevens $3 H's and 8's
M. Morris $3 Centaurus
J. Carney $2 Blue Steel
J. Johnson $2 Vandelay
G. Camarillo $2 The Commission
C. Henne $2 The Nuts
E. Dumervil $1 H's and 8's
T. Howard $1 Empire
K. Williams $1 O-Toro
D. Manning $1 O-Toro
T. Tylor $1 Pigskin Pimps
M. Huff $1 Let it Ride
T. Newman $1 KEK
M. Prater $1 The Commission
C. Jenkins $1 H's and 8's
S. Hauschka $1 H's and 8's
J. Hanson $1 Vandelay

First Trade of the Season

2009-10-01T14:53:00.000-04:00

Empire send Tony Gonzalez to The Commission in exchange for Dustin Keller, Fred Taylor and $6 FA funds.

Scoop of Tuna

2009-09-25T12:12:00.000-04:00

Can you believe what splendid weather we've been having so far this fall?

Queer enough for ya Ev?

It feels SO goooooood to be baaaaaaaaaack.

OK, let's just come out of the gate with gunz-a-blazin. I think we were all appalled at last weeks post. While it's understanding that Mr. Borstein has a newborn and a full-time job taking up his time, I think we can ALL agree that it is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE that Senor Deutsch did not set aside some time to write something. What was he doing all week that prevented him from doing it?

TOP 10 THINGS DEUTSCH WAS DOING THAT PREVENTED HIM FROM WRITING A LOW-WEEK POST

10. Walking around to all the new restaurants in the city to pick up menu's for his Delivery Menu book
9. Shopping for a 5th TV for his living room to see if that entices people to ACTUALLY come over to watch football with him
8. Reclassifying the nomenclature on every .JPG file for all the pictures taken throughout his life
7. Eating
6. Rewinding the USC vs OSU game 190 times while noting all of the excuses on why the Buckeyes should have won
5. Thinking of a new name for his dog
4. Watching Season 1 - Season 21 DVD's of the Simpsons
3. Scouting out golf courses for spots that he can safely cheat strokes off his score
2. Sending out mass texts telling everyone 'I miss you. Child please.'
1. He drove to Atlantic City (didn't tell anyone) and spent the entire week camped out in his room smokin butts in bed and watching DVD's

SMACK N' CHEESE

OK, so tell me you guys realize that there's been much less lip now that the "Yes Lip" policy is in place. You noticed, right?

Anybody else eagerly awaiting Chuck to rip Josh for not having a say on anything to do with Blue Steel and Josh to rip Chuck for never winning it all. Once again.

After Ev so eloquently talked smack to me on the Monday morning of week one I couldn't resist jawin back at that scrawny lil shit (gotta love the irony in me calling someone else that, but it feels good -- lemme roll with it). With my team stumbling out of the gate and Brady/Zach Miller remaining I blurted out, "Bet your ass we outscore your sorry team this week". He was up 40 points with LT remaining which seemed like a steep uphill battle for O-Toro to overcome. Nonetheless, we settled on 3.3333 - 1 odds, my $300 to his $1000, and the bet was on. While the rest of the league was sleeping, Zach was one catch away from breaking 100 yards and getting me the 4 points I needed to whip that cocky bastard. Not gonna lie, it was probably the most invigorating match-up I've had since the Super Bowl. We really should think about instituting side bets. Like we all bet on real football, why not fantasy? Double or nothing on our matchup this week Ev?

Anybody else eagerly waiting Chuck to rip Josh for not having a say on anything to do with Blue Steel and Josh to rip Chuck for never winning it all. Yet again. Give it up guys, cmah.

I declare that Jared Margulies is the most underrated hostile shit talker in the league. Not underrated in the sense that he's good at it, because he's not, but in that he lashes out a lot with anger that gets unnoticed. Care to challenge?

BIG TIME CALL OUTS

I really wish I could go back in time to college and tell myself to keep up with the writing, take writing classes, focus the writing on other interests, get on the treadmill and stop eating carbs.

I'm laying 10-1 odds that Sealove is reading this post on a print out, on the toilet and sweating right now. And by right now, I mean his right now. Not yours.

Stemmmmmplerrrrrrr.... Not to overkill my obsession here, but seriously, how do you not love this kid? I sincerely really wish we were closer in college. Wait, hold on one sec.............................sorry, had to confirm with Goffin. Stempler did go to Michigan.

Am I the only one who everytime they see Fried's name thinks its weird that you pronounce Fried like freed and not fried? It gets me almost as much as it is weird to spell weird not like wierd. But even while wierd actually looks weird it still seems weird writing weird like wierd?

I like Fried a lot but for whatever reason our friendship never took off and I subsequently can't say that I know him THAT well. That said, I met his girlfriend a few months back and I'm pretty sure he's gonna marry her. Yep, and I'm downright happy for him. Ya hear that Chris you bitter prick who still thinks it's funny to say 'I'm so happy for them' when someone gets engaged?

So at first Chris and his brother Luke reuniting in New York was nice. I'll go one step further and say it was really nice. But now its just gotten creepy. They go EVERYWHERE together as you saw first-hand at the draft. Now I know you're all thinking that I'm jealous since I had Chris following me around for so many years, but I can promise you I'm not. Chris and I have a bond that will never be broken. I'm just concerned for him being that everybody who meets Luke comments to me that they actually like him better than Chris, myself included. And I know Luke's reading this column too because as soon as Chris finishes reading this he's gonna email Luke telling him to read this. [visit TheHellerBoyz.com for more disturbing brotherly infatuation]

SO EXCERPTIONAL

Excerpt #1: What Almost Was Funny

Wednesday

Glantz: So in Big Time (remember that league?) we do a weekly write-up each week for whoever gets the lowest score of the week. Well, that was me this week even though I seriously have the best team in the league. Anyway, enough about me. I thought it would be funny to include you in the post. Give you a guest paragraph to say whatever you want to the league... Give it some thought, I post it on Fri am

March: Love it, I’m in

Friday

Glantz: Got anything?

March: Let me attack this next week. Can I get log in to the website? I can start riffing off of that a little.

Excerpt #2: Drew's bachelor party email from DRob

Dude Venetian is where we should watch the Games….they just put up the Palazzo which is linked to the Venitian and they have this “stadium” deal which is a week old. My trader Brett just was there he said they had a Skybox which he said had an OUTDOOR patio connected to it and they just had to spend a fixed amount on food and booze ie there was no bugger fee (which cud change obv but ntb)…….I’m gonna go there and do a scouting test and make a reservation for that weekend during the games……Can always cancel it but ntb. Its big.org…..let me know how many people roughly. Lets do a double BP Drew except the 2nd one we slice out the peripherals and hit south beach….short Bungalow Ocho um hello Steelers vs Eagles Super Bowl matchup like hello hello hellooooooooooooooo

NYAN on ESPN at 12 NOON CAL VS MINNESOTA hello Hello hello NY POST doing feature on NYAN and is picking Florida vs CAL for the National Title and main story is on NYAN and how he was Urban Meyers FIRST RECRUIT AFTER ACCEPTING THE FLORIDA JOB…..like Hello Hello Hello….next day he accepted job he flew to Manhattan to go meet Billy Donovon at the Madison Square Garden to watch Nyan’s New York City Hoops Championship as Billy Donovon offered Nyan a hoops schollie before Ron Zook did….HYPE HYPE HYPE…like Transition from Florida to Cal….um Hype Hype Hype…..MEDIA FRENZY WET DREAM all ORCHESTRATED BY YOURS TRULY….HELLO HELLO HELLO….PRO SCOUTS coming to Nyans practices every day now and realizing he’s basically just as fast as JAHVID BEST hello hello hello and they realzing that last years shitty offensive coordinator just handed the ball off to Best and Nyan wud have had way better Stats even tho he still was the #1 Receiver on all stats…Hello Hello Hello….like his florida roommate Louis Murphy BALLIN out for the RAIDERS hello hello hello Nyan works out with the Raiders and is Faster than their entire team except that Hayward lBey loser ….HELLO HELLO HELLO……45 inch vert 4.3 speed oh oh oh hellooooooo

Last years USC game Nyan was the Cal offensive player of the game hello hello hello After taking 2 of the biggest hits in the history of college football delievered by Taylor Mays the top safety and 250 pound truck of death…..there isn’t another player in the nation who could have even walked off the field after either of those 2 hits….most guys would be laying dead….Nyan bounced up immediately and made a sick 1st down catch on the next play…. Then got killed again on the same drive because it pissed Taylor Mays off that he hit him so hard and it didn’t do sh!t……then Nyan got right back up and on the play after that Nyan fckin creamed USC outside linebacker on a key block which sprung jahvid for their best run of the game…..Pro scouts pro scouts ladeeedadaddaeedaaaa. Pete Carrol came up to him after the USC game last year and came right up to him first before anyone else even Tedford and gave him a hug and said “Nyan Boateng (puts hand on his face mask and grabs it and gives eye to eye look ) You are one tough son of a b!tch….you should have a been a Trojan (head helmet pat big smile)…but I’m proud of what you’ve achieved Son….Its going to be a treat watching you suit up on Sundays…..I’m gonna have to watch out for you next year….You keep your head up Son (head pat)” USC Game Oct 3rd at Cal…..HELLO HELLO HELLO………………….CAL VS MICHIGAN ROSE BOWL HELLOOOOOO Top 5 pick Nyan Boateng hello hello hello “AND THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS SELECT……………………………………………………………….NYAN BOATENG ”FAX THAT SH!T TO ME LETS FKING GO -AL DAVIS

Excerpt #3: Ocho Cinco vs. Lights Out Twight

@OGOchoCinco Challenge: me and you 8 round boxing match superbowl weekend in Miami before my team plays, I'll Mayweather you all 8 rnds!!

@shawnemerriman you and i both know you dont want dat this aint hard knocks

@OGOchoCinco I'll break yo jaw son,,, after you get yo mouth wired change yo name to ugly Betty!!!

@shawnemerriman just for the record i dont hit women but i will def. Beat ur ass

@OGOchoCinco man kiss da baby<---if da baby don't kiss back <---baby is basically telling u child pleeze<---(stewey voice<--family guy)

@shawnemerriman im done talking make it happen

Excerpt #4: Can't Jax Twis

@MCHammer Keep up the good work Steve... Love yo Pops man ! ...Father-Son !!!

@sj39 man thanks so much.. Had a chance to meet some of ur kids n Vegas this summer. Great kids

THE REBIRTH OF SCOTTY AND ADS

Scotty and I go way back. He's hung up on me over 1000 times. I've witnessed countless sauces, crumbs and condiments stain his wardrobe. We've cried together from uncontrollable laughter dozens of times. Even given all of that, the time we've been spending together the past 4 months has been abnormally extreme. He claims that over that period I've gotten much cooler. What I've realized is that my life has done nothing but regress. My bank account keeps dropping, my business has slowed, I hardly talk to any of my other friends and my fantasy team has yet to win this year. I will say though, I underestimated him as a partner. He cares, he's knowledgable and gosh darn it he likes me.

O-Toro's squad is about to take off faster than Leibert on Greenwood Street. I know that's hard to believe when our two pickups from last week outscored our whole team. Speaking of, here was my thought process on picking up C. Wood when looking through DB's to replace Troy: He doesnt really tackle too much. Gets a lot of picks though. And he has some really pick friendly matchups coming up in: Carson, Bulger, Favre (twice), Stafford (twice), Quinn, Leftwich, Romo, and Shaun Hill (he's actually been good but the fact that he's the one I had to write out his full name for is enough for him to be on this list)." Woodson may break the NFL season record this year guys. Heard it here first. And you have to see who holds that record currently. Most Interceptions in a Season, 14, Dick "Night Train" Lane, Los Angeles Rams, 1952. You can't make that up.

Ma-ri-o ... Ma-ri-o ... Ma-ri-o ... Ma-ri-o ...

By the way, did I really just pick up the Saints starting running back for this week and possibly for the next few weeks or beyond for $3? Gotta love when you read "Feel free to start Lynell Hamilton if you're other options don't look very good". Well, that's definitely us! Watch him have 2 carries and never be heard from again.

Ma-ri-o ... Ma-ri-o ... Ma-ri-o ... Ma-ri-o ...

That's the scoop

- Tuna

Week 3 Pick-ups

2009-09-24T23:03:00.002-04:00

Getting pumped for the Scoop of Tuna... Until that drops - here are this weeks pick-ups:

J. Knox $18 The Nuts

A. Randel El $13 Let it Ride

B. Wade $12 Centaurus

K. Kolb $11 Blue Steel

J. Edelman $10 KEK

B. Leftwich $7 KEK

T. Choice $6 Blue Steel

A. Odom $5 Centaurus

M. Lewis $3 Empire

L. Hamilton $3 O-Toro

M. Peterson $2 Pigskin Pimps

M. Floyd $2 Centaurus

G. Ellis $2 Let it Ride

J. Nedney $2 Let it Ride

R. Lindell $1 Empire

R. Edwards $1 Hard Knocks

T. Suggs $1 O-Toro

M. Bulger $1 The Commission

R. Jennings $1 The Commission

L. Jackson $1 KEK

Weekly Write-up

2009-09-18T10:29:00.002-04:00

The worst weekly write-up in league history has been posted - seriously - WEAK - and I'm praying that this isn't a sign of things to come....

L’Shana Tova from H&8’s!

As we look back and repent on the year past we wanted to provide you with some history on the Jewish New Year along with some fun videos to ring the sweet new yr in!

Rosh Hashanah (Hebrew: ראש השנה‎, literally "head of the year," Biblical: [ˈɾoʃ haʃːɔˈnɔh], Israeli: [ˈʁoʃ haʃaˈna], Yiddish: [ˈrɔʃəˈʃɔnə]) is a Jewish holiday commonly referred to as the "Jewish New Year." It is observed on the first day of Tishrei, the seventh month of the Hebrew calendar,^[1] as ordained in the Torah, in Leviticus 23:24. Rosh Hashanah is the first of the High Holidays or Yamim Noraim ("Days of Awe"), or Asseret Yemei Teshuva (Ten Days of Repentance) which are days specifically set aside to focus on repentance that conclude with the holiday of Yom Kippur.

Rosh Hashanah is the start of the civil year in the Hebrew calendar (one of four "new year" observances that define various legal "years" for different purposes as explained in the Mishnah and Talmud). It is the new year for people, animals, and legal contracts. The Mishnah also sets this day aside as the new year for calculating calendar years and sabbatical (shmita) and jubilee(yovel) years. Rosh Hashanah commemorates the creation of man whereas five days earlier, on 25 of Elul, marks the first day of creation.^[2]

The Mishnah, the core text of Judaism's oral Torah, contains the first known reference to Rosh Hashanah as the "day of judgment." In the Talmud tractate on Rosh Hashanah it states that three books of account are opened on Rosh Hashanah, wherein the fate of the wicked, the righteous, and those of an intermediate class are recorded. The names of the righteous are immediately inscribed in the book of life, and they are sealed "to live." The middle class are allowed a respite of ten days, until Yom Kippur, to repent and become righteous; the wicked are "blotted out of the book of the living."^[3]

Watch our favorite Rosh Hashanah rap video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjlnTh26lyk

And enjoy some insights and torah readings from our favorite scholar, Rebbe Moshe of Safed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxktBZn_TcM

Week 2 Pick-ups

2009-09-17T21:08:00.006-04:00

This week's pick-ups are always the toughest -- the league will at a minimum pick-up 28 guys (well Blue Steel only put in for 1 guy - but some people dropped a player or two)

A reminder to please put positions for IDP's when submitting as I don't know all the players in the NFL...Reminder - Ties went to the team with the worse Power Ranking .... Here we go...

Mi. Clayton $16 AJ Ball
L. Murphy $15 Let it Ride
M. Manningham $11 O-Toro
T. Heap $9 Pigskin Pimps
B. Watson $8 Hard Knocks
H. Miller $8 The Nuts
J. Garcon $8 Empire
A. Caldwell $7 Empire
C. Finnegan $7 Pigskin Pimps
J. Russell $6 KEK
M. Moore $5 Vandelay Industries
T. Davis $4 Empire
S. Cooper $3 The Nuts
D. Revis $3 Hairy Bucknuts
R. Seymour $3 Hair Bucknuts
A. Henry $3 AJ Ball
H. Baskett $3 H's and 8's
C. Woodson $2 O-Toro
M. Leggett $2 KEK
D. Howard $2 Blue Steel
K. Ellison $2 Hard Knocks
C. Lofton $2 Hard Knocks
V. Davis $2 The Commission
J. Laurenitis $1 H's and 8's
B. Keisel $1 Let it Ride
C. Campbell $1 Centaurus
S. Ellis $1 Empire
C. Pace $1 Vandelay Industries
S. Piscatelli $1 The Commission
B. Johnson $1 The Commission
J. Forsett $1 Centaurus

2009 Pay-Out Structure

2009-09-07T16:06:00.001-04:00

Total pot is $11,200

Winner gets $5,250
Runner-up gets $1,500
Regular Season Accolades - $500 per "Power Ranking Category"
- Record ($500)
- Points ($500)
- Breakdown ($500)
Ties will split the money - no tie-breakers
League-wide scoring play-off winner gets: $1,000
Weekly Score winners (weeks 1-13): $975
Third place gets $600
Highest Week 16 Score: $225
Horses ass fee: $300 - Winner of Toilet Bowl gets $300
Cost of Site: $150

2009 Season Changes

2009-09-07T12:31:00.002-04:00

Couple of changes to the 2009 Season:

1) Field Goals will be scored as 0.1 pts per yard. So - a 39 yard FG will be worth 3.9 points - and a 41 yarder will be worth 4.1, etc. Missed FGs under 45 yards will still be -1.
2) Sacks will be worth 4 pts this year. Interceptions worth 5 pts. (Happy Tuna??)
3) This year - IDPs will get 2 pts for a blocked FG or Punt - AND - IDPs will get credit for Blocked Punt or FG TD. They will not get credit for a kick-off or punt return TD.
4) First Round bye this year will go to the #1 Power Ranking Team.
5) The QB "double bonus" of 2 pts will be at 400 yards passing this year instead of 500. (I think 1 player got over 500 yards the last 2 years...)
6) The TieBreaker for anything at the end of the year (Best/Worst Record) will be Power Ranking followed by Breakdown followed by points.

PENDING: Perhaps a 7th team makes the play-offs. If this is the case - the same scenario will occur in the play-offs - with the exception of the #2 seed playing the #7 seed.

2008 Total Season Rap-up

2008-12-23T16:30:00.001-05:00

The 11th BigTime season has come to an end ....

Congratulations to Centuarus owner Mr. Heller for winning his first Championship in his 11 years in the league! AJ Ball finished with it's best finish in 11 years in 2nd place AND winning the League-wide RotoBowl. It was a very close final that came down to the final game, but DeAngelo Williams (a seventh round pick) was just too much...H's and 8's finished in 3rd place. Pigskin Pimps finished really strong - having the highest Week 16 score and winning the Toilet Bowl (something about Teams finishing in last winning the Toilet Bowl). Final Money pay-outs are detailed below.
Thanks for a great season. Here is a list of topics to be discussed/voted on for next year... Feel free to email me with comments, etc.

2008 Final Pay-outs:
Centaurus gets $5,416 ($5,250 (first place)+ $166 (one-third of regular season record champ)
AJ Ball gets $2,575 ($1,500 (2nd Place) + $1,000 (league-wide RotoBowl) + $75 (one highest reg. season week))
The Commission gets $1,300 ($1000 Reg. Season Breakdown and Points Champ) + $300 (4 highest reg. season weeks))
H's and 8's get $766 ($600 (Third place) + $166 (one-third of regular season record champ)
Pigskin Pimps get $400 ($250 (Highest score week 16) + $150 (from HCS for Toilet Bowl)
El Toro gets $225 - (3 Highest weeks)
Vandelay Industries gets ($225) (3 Highest weeks)
Blue Steel gets $150 (2 Highest weeks)
Cost of Site: $125

I'm leaving for a 10 day vacation tomorrow but will send out payments as soon as I get back. Please email me your mailing address and I'll send as soon as I'm back. Let me know ASAP if you this isn't cool with anyone...

Hope everyone enjoyed the season,
COMMISH

Week 16 pick-ups (Final week)

2008-12-17T23:29:00.001-05:00

Centaurus picks up:
ogunleye 9
a. brown 3 (irony?)
brunell 1

2008 BigTime Superbowl

2008-12-16T10:17:00.002-05:00

It's official ... There will be a first-time BigTime Champion this year. There will also be a first-time runner-up as Centaurus and AJ Ball are each making their first appearance in the finals. This is especially exciting as both teams are "Charter" (from the beginning) franchises ...
Good luck to both teams - who at worst are guaranteed at least $1500 (for second) and over $5K for first...

AJ Ball has a solid lead on the RotoBowl, but 25 points is easily made up with an off week. Both Blue Steel and Centaurus are in reach... Standings are updated.

Vandelay Industries and H's and 8's will face off this weekend as well for the third place game - worth $600 this year....

In the Toilet Bowl - Pigskin Pimps try and make back their money (plus take $150 from HCS), while Blue Steel looks to finish strong... While Evan and Chuck are more vocal in the league - I think I'm gonna dub this the Brother-in-Law Bowl as Gorman and Josh should have some nice trash talking sessions at this weekends Chanukah party.... (Congrats Jeff -- "Brady Gorman" -- are you tipping your hand on next years 2nd round pick??)

And finally ... If you're out of the play-offs ... If you have no shot at the roto-bowl ... It doesn't matter... you still have a shot to win $250 this weekend by scoring Highest Week... So - start your line-ups correctly (Hard Knocks!) ... Unless of course you don't wanna compete for $250...

Good Luck all! Last pick-ups on Wed....

Week 15 pick-ups

2008-12-11T09:43:00.002-05:00

Only two teams this week.

D. Foster $9 H's and 8's
D. Harris $3 AJ Ball

Play-offs - Round 2 and RotoBowl update

2008-12-09T09:45:00.002-05:00

3 former Bigtime champs went into the 2008 play-offs and only 1 remains (the defending Champs). The league has never seen back-to-back championships by the same team...

Here are the important Round 2 match-ups:
Centaurus (+3) vs. Vandelay Industries
H's and 8's (+1) vs. AJ Ball

The winner of each game is gauraunteed $1500 for second place.... The lose of each game will play week 16 for 3rd place, which is worth $600 this year.... Highest Week 16 score will net $250.

The RotoBowl standings have been updated.

In the Toilet Bowl, both teams to put up money have advanced and will play each other in the next round...

Blue Steel (+5) vs. Empire
Pigskin Pimps vs. Hairy Chicken Skins

Good luck to everyone!

Empire Post

2008-12-05T13:33:00.006-05:00

Hi, I'm going to be a dad in a few months. More on that later...

I can't believe I have to write this. Does everybody say that when they get the low score of the week? I got the low, great.

While everyone was stressin out in their own ways every day during this economic disaster over the past 3 months, is it any surprise to anyone that the two dicks who don't work during the day got the byes? Great, so they have time to sit around and read FootballGuys, ESPN, Sportsline and Rotoworld every other hour to manage their 15 fantasy football teams. Sorry everyone, didn't mean to spill the secret of FootballGuys. My bad...

Maybe I'm just bitter. Both my quarterbacks, Vince and Derek, were benched. Reggie got hurt. Winslow had a bad case of blue balls. And LT was a complete debacle. In retrospect, I probably should've listened to Glantz when he told me to take All-Day over LT. But it was Glantz and he's been so bad at this. Although, I can't really complain about injuries cause if El Toro had Tom Brady this year he'd prob be chillin w/ a bye instead of the guys that chill for a living.

I commend you Commish; your league managment and committment to our league is truly unmatched. Not to mention your consistency on playoff berths, impressive. But ease back a lil on questioning everyone else's committment. Kinda puts a damper on things. Uh oh, now I'm gonna be questioned. Um, what I meant to write is: I think it's so messed up that people don't write these posts and truly enjoy them. I also think there is no room for talking smack. And if you don't write back right away on league votes you should probably be removed from the league.

Im gonna be a dad?

Fried didn't show up for the draft this year. Consipicuous? Maybe he just knew he would have no donations put into the hat in this struggling economy. So, let me get this straight. Fried runs off to LA and AJ Ball kills it this year. Hmmmm. Brown, any tips on how to manage a baby and a fantasy team on your own? Let's hang out sometime to discuss this. Seriously, what's your number? How about we grab a chicken delight at the Jericho deli on Tuesday. BTW, don't you think seeing Britney "behind the scenes" is deserving of at least 3 more home field advantage pts for AJ Ball?

Maybe if we pushed the draft back Blue Steel wouldn't have drafted over-the-hill WR's and traded for more during the season. Just like their QB, maybe they just didn't know the rules this year? I'm not gonna lie, it kinda makes me smile when everyone gets angered by Ev. I can use some more smiles these days. Ev, keep it up. Without a Chuck / Ev public spat this year I've been left with a void in my life.

It's nice that Krazy Eyez Killa's are in our league. Seriously, it's nice.

How the hell are Hard Knocks any good? Oh yeah, a cake schedule and JP helping make his team even worse by giving them TO. Hey everyone, it's LeRon McClain, it's Tyler Thigpen, it's Visanthe Shiancoe...it's - the- BIG TIME PLAYOFFS? At least JP seemed like he cared more this year. Wagner cares about things too. I miss him.

Go back and look at Let It Ride from Week One. They had no shot from the start. Vandelay had no shot too but nice work wheeling and dealing an awful team into a contender Salis. Well done Andrew.

Sorry, I totally forgot Ginn and Juice was in the league. My bad.

Week 14 Pick-ups

2008-12-03T22:28:00.003-05:00

First week of play-offs ... Light on P/U's

T. Choice $30 H's and 8's
M. Clayton $20 H's and 8's
N. Folk $1 Centaurus
Des. Clark $1 Centaurus
Josh Reed $1 HCS
B. James $1 Vandelay Industries
D. Freeney $1 Vandelay Industries

2008 Regular Season Rap-up

2008-12-02T12:15:00.001-05:00

The 11th BigTime Regular Season has concluded, however, now is where the true action begins...There is still over $1500 possible to be won by non-play-off qualifying teams, so everyone should still be engaged (starting proper line-ups, making pick-ups, etc)

Before we get to the Play-off 411, let me cover off on the regular season pay-outs.
This year we gave $500 to each Power Ranking category champion. (with no tie-breakers)

Best Record ($500) will be split 3 ways ($166 per team) between Centaurus, H's and 8's, and Hard Knocks.
Most Points ($500) was won by The Commission.
Breakdown ($500) was won by The Commission.

There was $975 given out for each "High Week." Typically we get about 8+ teams winning some money back, but this year we have only 5
The Commission 4 Weeks ($300)
El Toro 3 Weeks ($225)
Vandelay Industries 3 ($225)
Blue Steel 2 ($150)
AJ Ball 1 ($75)

Now - on to the play-offs, which had a whole lot of jockeying for position and for the final spot....Here are the play-off seedings:

#1 Centaurus - Hasn't been loud all year. Finished #1 in the Power Rankings - will get a first round bye to focus on his 4 other high stakes leagues.
#2 H's and 8's - While I'm not totally sure - I think this could be the first time H's and 8's has ever really been a true contender. This is definitely the first time that the squad has had the luxury of a first round playoff bye...
#3 Hard Knocks - After I called them "Soft Knocks" on the blog for putting up 45 points, they have steam-rolled and have locked in the #3 slot.
#4 AJ Ball - Been consistent all year. Missed out on first round bye because Mario Williams had a monster game last night.
#5 The Commission - Regular Season honors speak for themselves, but the veteran franchise knows that no one will remember the regular season....
#6 Vandelay Industries - The defending champs. Probably one of the most memorable season turn-arounds in memory - including many strategic trades - one in which we all (myself included) thought they got robbed on...

With Centaurus and H's and 8's having a bye
Hard Knocks (+3) will play Vandelay Industries - I mean, how much more poetic can the season get ... A re-match of the "Big Ben scoring controversy of 2008
AJ Ball (+1) will play The Commission - The top 2 point scoring and breakdown teams will face-off in round one. Over/Under on how many superstition-based messages between Brown and Goffin is at 76...
Centuarus will face the highest remaining seed in round 2.
This year - we've made 3rd place $600 - so getting into the 2nd round definitely means something....

The League-Wide RotoBowl for $1000 involves all teams ... The standings will be posted here. (As a reminder - it is your 2008 regular season avg. points + Week 14 + week 15 + week 16)
The highest week in week 16 from all teams will also win $250

In the Toilet Bowl - we have a controversy to start... There is a tie between Pigskin Pimps and HCS for last in Power Rankings (HCS scored 0.3 more points than PP this season). We don't have pre-set rules for such an occurrence - so my first inclination is for these two teams to split the $300. HCS has asked for the league to vote, as they beat the Pimps head-to-head this year. Please email me your thoughts. If you don't email me - I'll assume you don't care and are fine with them splitting it.

Here are the match-ups for week one. In the toilet-bowl - we do not re-seed. It's straight tournament style. Winner gets $300 from Horses Ass(es).

#1 Blue Steel vs #8 Ginn and Juice
#4 Let it Ride vs. #5 Empire
Winners of above games will play in round 2

#2 El Toro vs. #7 Pigskin Pimps
#3 KEK vs. HCS #6
Winners of Above Games will play in round 2

Week 13 Pick-ups

2008-11-26T22:04:00.003-05:00

As a reminder - pick-ups last through-out the season, including the play-offs. Everyone has an interest up until Week 16 - so it should be a competitive market until the end.

Here are this week 13 pick-ups:

D. Anderson $35 Ginn and Juice
D. Hixon $7 Ginn and Juice
D. Bess $6 Blue Steel
J. Carney $2 AJ Ball
C. Woodson $2 Hard Knocks
I. Hilliard $2 Hairy Chicken Skins
J. Feely $1 Pigskin Pimps
R. Seymour $1 Pigskin Pimps

Play-off Picture - Going into Week 13

2008-11-26T11:16:00.002-05:00

It's pretty rare in this league - but the play-off picture pretty much has one variable participant going into the final regular season week...

H's and 8's, AJ Ball, Centaurus and Hard Knocks have all clinched play-off spots... The seeding has yet to be determined but these 4 teams will represent the 1-4 seeds given to the best records. The ever-important first round bye will go to H's and 8's if they win. The other would most likely go to AJ Ball if that happens - although that is not gauranteed. Centaurus could get the bye if they beat H's and 8's and an AJ Ball loss. Hard Knocks could get the bye with an AJ Ball and a Centaurus loss (and a win of their own).

The Commission look locked in at the #5 spot. They lead the Power Rankings race with a strong margin.
The #6 slot is still very much up for grabs. Vandelay Industries controls their own destiny and would be the #6 seed with a strong performance this week. Blue Steel and KEK stand to benefit the most with poor week from Vandelay ... with El Toro needing a lot to happen to move back up in the Power Rankings...

In terms of the $1500 Regular Season prizes ($500 per Power Ranking Category):
- H's and 8's have clinched a share of the $500 for record and would clich it all with a win. Otherwise - Centaurus, AJ Ball and Hard Knocks could all share the $500...
- Commission and AJ Ball will battle in week 13 for the $500 for most points. Commission lead by a slight margin going into the week. Centaurus with a very outsdie shot at this too.
- Breakdown is very hard to predict, but again - I think The Commission and AJ Ball are battling for this going into the final week.

Pigskin Pimps and Ginn and Juice look to be battling for the Horses Ass penalty ($300).

Obviously the league-wide play-off that starts week 14 is wide open. (Reg. Season Avg + Week 14, 15, 16= Winner) ... Also this year - there is a $250 prize that goes to the team with the highest score week 16 (to keep everyone interested Fantasy Superbowl weekend).

That's it for now ... Holla with any questions...

I Just Don't Care...

2008-11-20T10:47:00.002-05:00

I know that half a dozen times during the season someone will write a blog post complaining about how annoying it is to post a blog. Well, I'm not gonna do that. What I AM gonna do is just give up on putting any effort into it because frankly, i'm sick of it and JUST DON'T CARE anymore. There are far too many things going on in my life these days that I shouldn't have to be burdened with the extra stress of writing this damn thing. If the result is a fine by the commissioner, a follow-up blog post by a disgruntled GM, hate mail, or something worse delivered by the fantasy football gods, I'm willing to accept the consequences.......cause frankly.....I just don't care.

Here's a little more fluff for the post, simply to show that I spent more than 6 minutes writing this F'ing thing.

Predictions:

Pimps vs. H's & 8's - I gotta root for the underdog, sorry Mikey. Pimps by 11.

Ginn vs. LIR - Anything pertaining to OSU just fucking pisses me off. F U Ginn. LIR by 6.

Blue Steel vs. Krazy - Since BS has been relatively quiet the past few weeks, my disgust with them has dwindled. BS by 26.

HK vs. Empire - 2 babies on the way....this is a tough one......which one to bless with a fantasy win...I think I'm gonna go w/ Empire...HK's days are numbered and even IF they make the playoffs, they won't get out of the 1st round. Empire squeaks one out by 2.66 pts.

Commish vs. Vandalay - Considering BG gives me shit nearly every day about how bad my team is and that i'm in contention for the Horse's ass once again.....I'm pulling for Vandalay in this one. Again.....the underdog by 5.5

Centaurus vs. El Toro - Just the mere thought of the "original" Centaurus makes me happy. Sorry Tuna......but the Real is 2.3 to $1 US and a trip down there hasn't been this affordable since 2003!! Centaurus in a LANDSLIDE!! Rio anyone?

HCS vs. AJ - (sigh) I'm sure you knew this was coming......but I just don't care.

Week 12 Pick-ups

2008-11-19T21:54:00.003-05:00

Here are this weeks pick-ups:

J. Gaffney $7 Vandelay Industries
A. Pittman $6 AJ Ball
C. Greenway $3 AJ Ball
B. Watson $3 Empire
P. Dawson $3 Empire
M. Leinart $2 Vandelay Industries
A. Wilson $2 Hard Knocks
S. Heiden $1 El Toro
C. Palmer $1 El Toro
R. Curry $1 El Toro
K. Dansby $1 Hard Knocks
G. Adams $1 Centaurus

Play-Off Picture

2008-11-18T11:39:00.002-05:00

We've got 2 weeks left in the regular season - and with the power rankings being very fluid from week to week AND an integral part of determining the play-off scenario - it's very difficult to predict .....

This said - here's some thoughts going into week 12:
1) H's and 8's looking pretty good for a first round bye ... If they win 1 of their last 2 - I'd predict they get the bye. They will, however, need to win their next 2 to guarantee their sole possession of the $500 portion of the "best record" regular season.
3) AJ Ball and Centaurus are going to battle something fierce in the next 2 weeks. While they both look well positioned for a play-off birth, the ever-important first round bye is completely up for grabs - and these 2 teams look like the leading candidates to grab em.
3) The Commission currently holds the #1 spot in Breakdown ($500) and #1 spot in Points ($500 reg season) - however - if the playoffs started today - they would be the #5 Seed. This said, the strong Power Ranking position makes a play-off spot likely - however - not guaranteed.
4) Soft Knocks would be the #4 seed if the play-offs started today. If they win the next 2 weeks (they play an under-rated Empire squad and AJ Ball) - they will be in. However, if they lose even 1 - they will be in serious jeopardy of being on the outside looking in due to their poor power ranking (3rd worst total points this year says it all).
5) Seems like every other team out there will be rooting against the "Hard Knocks" franchise over the next two weeks:
a) Blue Steel would need to win out and have The Commission falter to be secured the "top 4 record" spot currently held by Hard Knocks. Blue Steel would also be in the mix for the Power Rankings spots if Hard Knocks falls out of the "record spots" and The Commission jumps into that spot.
b)El Toro would be the #6 seed if the play-offs started today are undoubtedly also rooting for Hard Knocks to fall out to feel more secure, as....
c) Vandelay and Krazy Eyes Killaz also very much in the mix (both currently 37 total points behind El Toro and Vandelay is only 3 Wins behind them in Breakdown)... both these teams are also rooting against Hard Knocks ...
d) Pretty sure I'll hear some kind of "What else is new - the league rooting against the two-time champs" from Sealove .... and that is no doubt the case over the next two week.
6) Empire pretty much the only team to not have much invested in the next 2 weeks besides playing spoiler (he plays Hard Knocks) and up-ing his weekly average for the League-wide play-off in which he won last year.
7) We have a very tight race for Horses Ass penalty ($300) between the bottom 4 teams ... I know everyone does out of respect for the league - but every game/point will mean a lot - so pay attention.

In case you forgot the pay-out-structure - it's posted here.

Week 11 Pick-ups

2008-11-12T22:25:00.002-05:00

A little light this week....Here are this weeks pick-ups:

M. Hasselbeck $20 Empire
T. Bell $16 Blue Steel
D. Keller $11 The Commission
Cad. Williams $7 Hard Knocks
L. Briggs $5 Ginn and Juice
N. Collins $4 AJ Ball
M. Floyd $4 AJ Ball
E. Coleman $2 The Commission
Ra. Mathis $2 Hard Knocks
M. Bryant $1 Vandelay Industries
N. Rackers $1 Centaurus
J. Smith $1 Centaurus
A. Bradshaw $1 Centaurus
V. Davis $1 Centaurus

Hard Knocks post

2008-11-12T16:31:00.001-05:00

“Is that a record?” Seidenstein greeted me on IM early Monday morning. He was obviously referring to my pathetically low score. “I think it might be,” I replied (later confirmed with Goff). Not good times - first place through 8 weeks and now in the middle of the pack, setting record low point totals and struggling to hang on to a playoff spot. I truly believe I am well positioned to make a move here with 3 weeks left until playoff times. Romo coming back can only mean good things for TO (I hope). Carolina continues to win, so Steve Smiff should be fine. And if Santana stays healthy, he is a stud. 3 top tier WRs usually can win you this league alone. But now with Tyler Thigpen looking like a future Drew Brees, I think I have found the answer. Does it matter I only have one RB? Maybe, but I will continue to platoon Leron McLain and Ahman Green until Lamont comes back and gets the carries in New England (hopefully). Do you guys care about my fantasy strategy from here out? Probably not. So let’s talk about something else.

How bout those Knicks? 4-2 going into last night’s game in San Antonio. I can’t tell you how many articles I read about Gnobili and Parker being out. So the Knicks were going to beat them and then after rolling over a mediocre Memphis team tonight, they were going to be 6-2 and NYC would have their beloved hoops team back. Did the media forget about Tim Duncan? While a definite improvement from last year’s pathetic squad, this is a .500 team at best (which, sadly, should be good enough to make the playoffs in the east). I am a season ticket holder. It has been tough living for as long as I can remember. In fact, the last time the Garden had that old school excitement to it was when the Knicks lost to the Spurs in Game 5 of the 98-99 Finals. I hooked up with Lanie Fladell that night after the game. True story. Great girl. But that was a long time ago.

Congratulations Barack Obama. The Dow is down 1341 points since you have been elected (that’s 14% in 1 week for those who aren’t great at math). The market has showed a lot of confidence in your presidency and ability to lead this great nation out of troubled times. “Throughout the nation men and women, forgotten in the political philosophy of the government, look to us here for guidance and for more equitable opportunity to share in the distribution of national wealth.” Sounds like socialism to me. Love him or hate him, we have just elected the most market-unfriendly president in our lifetime, maybe ever. And those who work in the same profession as I do should run for cover (I know there are many in this league). Sorry Fried. The truth is, I do not hate Obama. I am actually excited to turn over a new leaf and to see what he can accomplish as president. Lord knows we can’t go backwards from here. So let’s Barak N’ Roll, for now at least… (I would have never used this as a forum to express my political views until Leibert crossed that line a few weeks ago and since I have nothing else to talk about and this exercise is a complete waste of time, you guys got stuck with it).

Big Jets game tomorrow night. Anyone know how WPIX got to show the game on local television? What happened to the evil NFL monopoly?

Congrats to Gorman on the birth of his son, Brady William. It’s the end of your life as you know it, and I’m up next.

HCS Lowest Week Write-up

2008-11-09T11:19:00.001-05:00

Written by R. Lefton...

As I am tasked with writing my first blog for this league... and my first blog ever, I wonder a few things… 1) Am I the only guy in this league that doesn’t have a Facebook account?
2) Am I the only guy that doesn’t have AIM downloaded on his computer?
3) Am I the only guy who is forced to make his blogging debut about Fantasy Football and discuss how miserable his team is?

To be honest, that list could go on and on. However, I want to focus on more important things… how the naming of an FF franchise can determine whether or not it will be successful. Clearly our fate this year was determined when we named our team. Now, being new to this league I have found some things that go on a little strange. I would expound on those thoughts but I don’t want to risk being fined by the commissioner, especially since we only have $1 left (and spent $15 on a guy named Malcolm Floyd who has yet to play one down since we picked him up). When we named our team before week one we were actually told by the Commissioner that we should come up with something better. In a sports world that has hosted the Expos, the Gamecocks, the Canucks and countless other pointless names, I found it hard to believe that we were told to find something better. Now 10 weeks later, I really wish we had. What an absolutely ridiculous name. There is no way that a team named the Hairy Chicken Skins can win a Fantasy Football league. This morning I went on the blog site for the first time ever and noticed something pretty obvious and simple… good team names win Championships. Teams like Blue Steel, Empire, Let It Ride… these are good names. Clearly a franchise run by 2 GMs that can only come up with HCS is not going to be a major contender (see Malcolm Floyd comment above).

To those of you still in the running, good luck. To those that suck like we do, I hope you score less points this week than we do because I’ve realized this morning that the non-blogging world is the world I want to live in…

Week 10 pick-ups and Announcements

2008-11-05T22:32:00.003-05:00

Before Pick-ups ... a couple of announcements...

The trade deadline is on Saturday night ... When I made this date - I didn't realize that there was a Thursday night game ... SO ... The only change is that IF you trade a Cleveland Brown or Denver Bronco ... They CANNOT be active in your line-up AND they cannot start week 10 retro-actively if they are traded ... If you start them Thursday -- they cannot be traded ....

Also - there was a trade tonight ... Centaurus sends MVP candidate Kurt Warner to Vandelay Industries for DeAngello Williams ....

Now to the pick-ups ... TONS of interest in Quarterbacks this week ... A lot of tied bids - so a reminder that reverse power rankings determine who gets the player .... Here we go ...

B. Quinn $20 Ginn and Juice
S. Rosenfels $15 KEK
B. Leftwich $10 Ginn and Juice
R. Grossman $10 Empire
P. Hills $10 H's and 8's
K. Robinson $10 H's and 8's
M. Bradley $7 Let it Ride
A. Pittman $7 The Commission
J. Flacco $5 Blue Steel
G. Wilson $5 Pigskin Pimps
DQ Jackson $3 Empire
PJ Pope $3 Blue Steel
D. Akers $3 Blue Steel
T. Thigpen $3 Hard Knocks
Bry. Johnson $3 Centaurus
K. Edwards $2 Empire
J. Farrior $2 AJ Ball
M. Crosby $2 AJ Ball
S. Hill $2 AJ Ball
E. Weddle $1 HCS
J. Nedney $1 HCS
Q. Jammer $1 KEK
D. Culpepper $1 El Toro
T. Hali $1 The Commission
N. Kaeding $1 Centaurus

Pick-ups now on Wednesday

2008-11-03T18:59:00.000-05:00

With Thursday Night games a regular for the rest of the year -- Pick-ups are moving from Thursday night at 10 PM to Wednesday night at 10 PM ... Please make a note of this.

Week 9 Trade and other news

2008-11-03T14:52:00.002-05:00

Right before gametime on Sunday ... Hard Knocks traded Willie Parker and Michael Bush to Hairy Chicken Skins for Terrel Owens and Lamont Jordan ...

In other news ... Let it Ride will be deducted $10 in Free Agent funds for failing to post a weekly write-up after scoring their 3rd lowest week of the season (and without legitimate excuse).
GM Leibert was unavailable for comment, but rumor has it partner D-Rob was quoted as saying "C'Mon bra - I mean blog, like, bigtime - whats up with that...sellin short on blog writing - whatever" ....(Please keep in mind I haven't spoken to D-Rob in 3+ years so knowing him - it's extremely possible he's some kind of physics scholar at this point...oh ... and he still hasn't paid for the league - so I'm putting anyone who still talks to him on full duty to get that loot ASAP - thanks)

Week 9 Pick-ups

2008-10-30T22:06:00.004-04:00

Here are this weeks pick-ups...

K. Collins $17 Let it Ride
M. Walker $11 Centaurus
V. Sciancoe $9 Hard Knocks
K. Jones $7 Empire
G. Brackett $6 Let it Ride
M. Booker $6 Pigskin Pimps
A. Otogwe $5 Empire
Reg. Williams $4 Pigskin Pimps
Kev. Williams $4 Let it Ride
S. Rogers $2 Blue Steel
M. Lewis $2 HCS
J. Hardy $2 El Toro
L. Briggs $2 The Commission
Joey Porter $1 KEK
C. Ndoke $1 KEK
M. Bryant $1 HCS
M. Kiwunuka $1 H's and 8's
M. Bennett $1 El Toro
M. Peterson $1 Centaurus
C. Long $1 Centaurus
R. Moats $1 Centaurus
A. Vinatieri $1 Centaurus
D. Northcutt $1 Vandelay Industries
I. Hilliard $1 Vandelay Industries
K. Payne $1 Blue Steel
Dez. Clark $1 El Toro

Week 9 Trade

2008-10-29T11:45:00.003-04:00

Vandelay showing to be the most active in the BigTime trade market ...

Vandelay Industries trade Aaron Rodgers, Matt Forte and Justin Gage to Let it Ride for Randy Moss, Sammy Morris, and Jeremy Shockey

Trade Deadline Reminder

2008-10-24T14:38:00.002-04:00

It's usually sneaks up on us - so just wanted to share publicly that the Trade Deadline is Saturday night 11/8. (Sunday morning is tough to move players in the system)

Please plan accordingly.

Week 8 Pick-ups

2008-10-23T22:17:00.004-04:00

Most weeks, every team except for one or two usually submits pick-ups.... A bunch of no-shows this week...

J. Morgan $20 Vandelay Industries
J. Walker $16 Hairy Chicken Skins
BenJarvus Green-Ellis $15 Vandelay Industries
M. Floyd $9 Hairy Chicken Skins
A. Stecker $8 Centaurus
K. Smith $7 The Commission
M. Furrey $7 Blue Steel
M. Trufant $3 El Toro
J. Feely $2 El Toro
C. Pace $2 El Toro
R. Lewis $2 Let it Ride
D. Akers $2 Let it Ride
D. Martin $2 Hard Knocks
B. Watson $2 Pigskin Pimps
S. Heiden $1 Centaurus
J. Smith $1 The Commission
C. Grant $1 Blue Steel
D. White $1 Hard Knocks
T. Suggs $1 Hard Knocks
C. Stuckey $1 KEK
R. Lindell $1 KEK
P. Kerney $1 KEK
J. Brown $1 Vandelay Industries
C. Hope $1 Vandelay Industries

Small trade

2008-10-23T18:40:00.001-04:00

Commission send D. Revis to Ginn and Juice for $10 of Free Agent funds ... Blockbuster - I know.

Let it Ride - Lowest week post

2008-10-19T12:49:00.001-04:00

Written by GM Leibert

I know that writing a blog on Presidential politics in the year of Obama, Hillary, and Palin is totally cliché, but here I am, again in the naughty chair.

Let's get my political bias out of the way. Up until a month ago, when I changed my affiliation to Independent, I was a registered Republican, whose social views couldn't be any further away from the base of the Republican party. I'm a NY Jew, who doesn't work on wall street, and smokes weed before he watches presidential debates, so most of you probably knew that. I've supported Clinton, Bush, Kerry, and Obama in my 4 presidential elections. While I voted for Bush (the 1st time), because I don't necessarily believe in the typical democratic policy of tax and spend, and feel strongly that our leadership in foreign policy is imperative to the military and economic security of this country; I was fooled by W, who wrote checks like the democrats and ignored using diplomacy even with some of our most staunch allies, and that doesn;t even mention his across the board failure on domestic social issues. So here I am, a strong Barack Obama supporter. I don't unilaterally agree with his policies, and I think John McCain would be a better president than he is a campaigner, but in the current political climate, if Barack Obama doesn't win this election, the only explanation is racism!

Now to McCain. I am an ageist, believing that 72 is too old to take the office of the president, mostly because my dad has lost a step at 64. Don't get me wrong, they are both still smart men (McCain and my dad), but not as sharp as they were 10 years ago. If I had any artistic talent, I would draw a caricature of John McCain and be done with this assignment. He looks like an angry, snickering, wind-up robot, whose arms bend only in right angles to throw the same predictable punches over and over again. I cannot understand why McCain keeps on bashing Obama about not wanting to do town hall meetings, when from a physical stand point, you could not look any worse than John McCain does when he is pacing around the stage. How can we have a president who can't throw out the first pitch at a baseball game?! And while the Republican candidate likes to remind us all that these are battle scars, did he really have to change the name of our nation's capital to War-shington to get his point across?!

John McCain came out swinging in the final debate this week. And like a former champ, coming back for one last shot at the belt, he looked early like he might be up the challenge. When talking about the economy and balancing the budget he was on the attack, stating "Senator Obama, I am not President Bush. If you wanted to run against President Bush you should have run 4 years ago," a good line, but probably one he should have delivered in the first debate, if he had thought of it then. And he can and did back it up with an impressive list of accomplishments that reached across party lines of the senate floor, including bringing climate change to the floor of the senate, opposing President Bush on the issue of torture, HMO Patient's Bill of Rights, and the establishment of the 9/11 Commission. McCain looked like he might have figured it out went he went after the Big Ten blue collar vote with his "Joe the Plumber" monologue. He was getting positive responses from men and women alike. Although it's interesting to note that on CNN, where they track undecided voters, men always liked him more than women did. Do men really not care what redundant rhetoric the candidate is spewing as long as he shows a significant level of testosterone?

However, his stamina wore thin, and he returned to throwing the same predictable punches. My problem with John McCain (besides the fact that he is old and crippled) is that he thinks we're stupid. Does anyone believe that he can balance a budget that currently has a $500 billion deficit in 4 years?! Or do you believe we can eliminate our dependence on Middle East and Venezuelan oil in a single term?! Is the man promising these feats the same guy who admitted at the beginning of his campaign that the economy was his weakness?! And how can he increase programs for special needs children with the across the board spending freeze he proposed?! He talks out of both sides of his mouth...maybe that's because there aren't too many things he can do with both sides of his body? At least John McCain waited until his closing remarks to condescendingly refer to me as one of "my friends."

Meanwhile, Barack Obama stays calm and presidential throughout, since when is being an intellectual a bad thing when running for President? Do you really want someone who isn't as smart as you running the country...*cough, cough* Sarah Palin?!

Yesterday, 100,000 people gathered in Missouri, a Republican state to hear Barack Obama speak. And today, Colin Powell, former Republican Secretary of State endorsed Obama for President. So, who are these people voting for McCain? I hope I don't associate with any of them!

Week 7 Pick-ups

2008-10-16T22:18:00.003-04:00

Regular season halfway over ... Here are this weeks pick-ups:

K. Collins $16 Vandelay Industries
Rudi Johnson $15 Krazy Eyes Killaz
Brad Johnson $14 AJ Ball
S. Alexander $11 Blue Steel
V. Davis $9 El Toro
S. McDonald $8 Hard Knocks
K. Watson $7 Centaurus
D. Orlovsky $6 Krazy Eyes Killaz
A. Haynesworth $2 Pigskin Pimps
T. Choice $2 El Toro
A. Vinatieri $1 Pigskin Pimps
D. Bowens (THIEF and scumbag) $1 El Toro
M. Jenkins $1 H's and 8's
J. Kasay Ginn and Juice
D. Jones $1 Ginn and Juice
A. Cromartie $1 Let it Ride
Kev. Williams $1 Let it Ride
Al. Brown $1 Vandelay Industries

Another Week 7 Trade

2008-10-16T21:36:00.002-04:00

The Commission send Brett Favre and Andre Hall to El Toro for Lendalle "the whale" White and Matt Cassell

Trade - Blue Steel and Vandelay

2008-10-14T12:08:00.002-04:00

Blue Steel send the #2 scoring QB to date (Aaron Rogers) and Lance Moore to Vandelay Industries for 2 under-performing brand names (Roy Williams and Tory Holt) and Matt Schaub.

Week 6 Pick-ups

2008-10-10T09:39:00.002-04:00

Pick-ups executed a little late do to the food coma I was in last night ... For future reference - please check the blog before you freak out that I didn't execute your pick-ups...

First time I think that a defensive player has ever gone for double digits - however - I think EVERY team bid on John Abraham this week - so ended up being a smart move (as of now)...Also, big week for Kickers...

P. Thomas $12 Empire
J. Abraham $11 Vandelay Industries
I. Hilliard $11 The Commission
A. Hall $10 The Commission
J. Carney $6 Empire
A. Chatman $6 Pigskin Pimps
B. Wade $6 El Toro
N. Washington $4 El Toro
S. Suisham $3 AJ Ball
B. Thomas $3 Let it Ride
Al. Smith $2 AJ Ball
N. Jackson $2 Let it Ride
N. Collins $2 AJ Ball
C. Grant $2 Ginn and Juice
N. Webster $2 Ginn and Juice
L. Little $2 Centaurus
K. Brown $1 H's and 8's
L. Milloy $1 HCS
N. Rackers $1 Hard Knocks
C. Greenway $1 Hard Knocks
B. Dawkins $1 Hard Knocks
E. Simms $1 Vandelay Industries
De. Hall $1 Pigskin Pimps
J. Elam $1 Ginn and Juice
T. Laboy $1 Blue Steel

New Haircut.....Same Dead Arm!

2008-10-08T16:31:00.003-04:00

Now I realize no one should ever be allowed to quote Major League 2, but for some strange reason it was the first thing that popped into my head when thinking about my fantasy team's transition from last year to this year....the metaphor just seemed to fit. Plus, this is my blog post and I'll write whatever the fuck I wanna.

Not one of you could possibly understand the pain and humiliation that accompanies an 0-14 season, or how difficult it is to keep your head held high when your entire fantasy universe has turned to crap, when something you hold so dear to you lets you down and breaks your heart (no brett, this has nothing to do with Stephie). The only ray of hope lies within the age old saying...."There's always next year," which for me, couldn't have come soon enough.

2008 has arrived! So.....what next you ask?!?!?! Out with the old....in with the new.....the savior!!! Mr. Ryan Lefton. After a stellar career throughout AA and AAA, Mr. Lefton has finally been promoted, he's going to the show, the BigTime! A new team, a new co-GM, a new name.....the outlook.....promising.

After a 1-1 start, I honestly thought that this year would be different.....Brandon Marshall, a stud, TO is TO, Rivers having the best year of his career. So what if Jamal was off to a slow start, or that Maroney was splitting carries, if these guys perform like i knew (rather "thought") they could.....all i'd need is to fill the #3 WR spot and we'd be golden. Yeah, great fucking plan! Cleveland is pathetic because apparently Braylon has stone-hands and Derek was a one hit wonder...thus the the running game is suffering. Maroney is 1 of 4 god damn rbs in NE! I mean, they are the epitome of PLATOON! I'm lucky to eeeeeeek out 3 pts from my #2 RB. It makes me sick!!! Rivers has come back down to earth and Todd Heap is merely a waste of a roster spot. So, unless TO and Brandon blow up each week......I'm SCREWED!! I think Greg Camarillo carries my team each week!

Ok ok, i'll stop complaining, but believe me, if you were 1-18 in your last 19 fantasy games, you'd be a little frustated too, trust me!

(SIGH)

Where do we go from here? I honestly don't know. The waiver wire is frickin' thinner than Glantz circa 2007. Maybe I can pull off a trade, maybe my crew will start to perform, maybe a key injury will open up some playing time for one of my bench players, maybe i'll wake up and have a 10" cock! All are equally likely at this point.

I think I need to intern for a season on Blue Steel or The Commission before I can GM my own team, cause I'm either doing something wrong or incredibly unlucky. No, it wasn't always this way, but the days of Too Much Hype (12-4) are a distant memory.

I haven't written off this year quite yet, as anything is possible..........but I'd be lying if I wasn't already thinkingin the back of my mind............."There's always next year!"

Special Teams Scoring and Sportsline

2008-10-07T10:57:00.003-04:00

In light of Antoine Winfield scoring a TD off a blocked FG last night - wanted to bring light our current scoring system so that we are all clear - and - can modify it next year if we chose...

As of now we don't receive 6 points for a blocked FG or Punt for TD. I'm not sure the exact reason why - my only thought was that like Kick-off and punt returns it gives added random /non-strategic benefit to players of different positions (example - Brandon Lloyd also scored on a blocked punt TD return this year)...

I'm completely open to changing it next year - but as the rules are locked for the year - wanted to bring it to everyone's attention and get some thoughts before next season.

Also of note is ... As of now, Sportslines only "Fumble Lost" scoring option includes Special Teams plays .... They do not offer non-special teams related fumbles. So - like earlier this year when DeSean Jackson fumbled a punt, El Toro received -2 points. I don't think this makes sense at all -- but it's a limit that's out of my (scalable) control. I've written SPLN and asked they make another option for next year...

How’s Your Reggie Bush??

2008-10-04T12:54:00.003-04:00

Hey Commish, put this in your pipe and smoke it. Recent history shows that you are gunna take care of us this year. Not this time, Punks! This year the Pimps are feeling lucky. I went on the Bigtime site (by the way, the best site in fantasy football) and did a lil data scrubbing and this is what I came up with. By the way Goff, why are so fuckin good at this…??

Pimps Commish
W L W L
2002 5- 9 7-7
2003 6-9 13-2
2004 11-3 7-8
2005 8-6 10-4
2006 4-10 12-3
2007 7-7 8-7
TOTAL 41-44 57-31

Now onto the question above. How is your Reggie Bush?? Well he is damn well I tell ya. He is only the 3rd best RB in our leagues format. Not that bad for a guy who finished 16th last year behind a bum we all know as Kenny Fuckin Watson. I mean cmon. I draft Colston, he gets hurt, and Bush rips it up. I’m startin to feel bitter like Blue Steel.

As a matter of fact, I am freakin bitter because I have been in this league for 7 years now and this is the first god damn time I have had to write this thing. And, I am truly hating every second of it. Can someone please tell me why someone has to do this every week? I know someone talked about El Toro doing it every week. Did we vote on that? Why don’t we vote on it a second time, like these schmucks in Congress did for the Bailout plan, to save this country from a meltdown?

Does anyone else work in the financial sector like myself. The last few weeks have taken many years off my pathetic life. All I do is watch CNBC, my company stock price, and my 401k all damn day. No one wants to trade with me anymore…. Shit, if I had some trading to do I would have just have paid Tuna to write this damn thing. I mean at the end of the day, the market is crashing, the world is basically coming to an end, I’m losing all of my life savings, my home value will soon be next (Brown?), and on a Friday afternoon I have to worry about writing this thing? Goff, why don’t you add this to your list for next year.

Now I really sound like Blue Steel.

Hey, the Bail Out vote went through today and Wells Fargo bought Wachovia. Whoop Di Fuckin Doo… the market still is down. Screw it, things are looking bright for the Pimps. We are gunna lay the hammer down on the Commish this week and we both are expecting babies very soon. Who needs money when you have Football and kids on the way? J-E-T-S jets jets jets

By the way, the better answer to How’s Your Reggie Bush is?

Well mine is tight, what about yours?

For those who may question why i am hyping up the jets, it is because my partner in crime "meat" is incapable of posting a blog.

Week 5 Pick-ups

2008-10-02T22:06:00.004-04:00

After 4 weeks - Every team still very much in the hunt. Only 3 teams with winning records at this point. A quick reminder to please send pick-ups to my yahoo address.

Here are this weeks pick-ups:

C. Benson $18 AJ Ball
R. Torain $15 Krazy Eyes Killaz
D. Hixon $15 Ginn and Juice
D. Avery $13 HCS
M. Pittman $11 Blue Steel
A. Battle $10 Vandelay Industries
V. Shiancoe $9 Hard Knocks
N. Davenport $8 Centaurus
D. Keller $7 HCS
G. Olsen $6 Centaurus
A. Cromartie $5 H's and 8's
B. Ruud $4 Empire
A. Gaines $4 Empire
C. Pace $3 HCS
B. Jones $3 Vandelay Industries
S. Gostkowski $3 The Commission
M. Walker $2 Centaurus
J. Russell $2 Empire
L. Woodley $2 Blue Steel
TJ Duckett $2 The Commission
R. Gould $1 Krazy Eyez Killaz
K. Boss $1 Pigskin Pimps
N. Harper $1 Hard Knocks
DJ Williams $1 Pigskin Pimps
Y. Bell $1 Centaurus
M. Leinart $1 El Toro
J. Garcia $1 El Toro
C. Woodson $1 El Toro
L. Briggs $1 El Toro

Week 4 Pick-ups

2008-09-25T22:09:00.004-04:00

A lot of BigTime drama this week ... If you haven't heard from me by phone - you probably will today...

Here are this weeks pick-ups:

H. Baskett $21 Krazy Eyes Killaz
J. Reed $16 Pigskin Pimps
J. Stevens $12 Centaurus
L. McLain $10 Hard Knocks
T. Ginn $8 Centaurus
B. Scaife $7 Let it Ride
B. Miller $5 H's and 8's
T. Polomalu $4 Hairy Chicken Skins
M. Moore $4 Hairy Chicken Skins
A. Haynesworth $4 AJ Ball
R. Lindell $3 Empire
B. Stokley $3 H's and 8's
J. McCarreins $3 H's and 8's
M. Griffin $3 The Commission
D'Q. Jackson $2 Blue Steel
F. Robbins $1 Vandelay Industries
S. Rosenfels $1 Vandelay Industries
M. Lewis $1 Vandelay Industries
J. Nedney $1 Hairy Chicken Skins
A. Miles $1 Ginn and Juice
Dev. Thomas $1 El Toro
B. Thomas $1 Pigskin Pimps
J. Smith $1 Centaurus
W. Smith $1 H's and 8's
M. Hicks $1 The Commission

Blue Steel Post

2008-09-24T16:26:00.003-04:00

I'm sure the only thing Commish roots for more than his team not gettin the lowest week is Blue mother fuckin Steel not gettin the week low. Thats OK Commish, I understand. You work hard and do a stellar job managing our humble domain and want your house in order but I rock the boat- I get it. After the aformentioned Commish was kind enough to put the draft date to a vote it was all you haters who banded together to try and throw Blue Steel off our impeccable history of draft day domination w/ a day change for the first time in over a decade. And even with your attempts from last year with the trade deadline conspiracy, I'm sorry to say, you have not accomplished your goal. You can all chug on my nuts. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. My team sucks right now, yes. Am I Nervous? Am I Disgruntled? I think not. (Where's fuckface when you need him?) I'll make this short, succint and eloquent- YOU CANT HOLD US DOWN. Chuck and Meat oughta name their kids Evan for getting me to show up to the draft late. Please put that on your baby registry. I'll pay top dollar for that. There's a pretty nice ring to Evan Bradley Atanasio.

Anyway dickwads, heres some random thoughts I had while takin a dump with a pen, paper and my wetnaps moist towelettes:

- What the fuck is hairy chicken skin???

- no one on the corner have swagger like us swagger like us, swagger swagger like us no one on the corner have swagger like us swagger like us, swagger swagger like us no one on the corner have swagger like us swagger like us, swagger swagger like us no one on the corner have swagger like us swagger like us, swagger swagger like us

- Tuna asked to stay at my place while I'm sippin on LA titties and caressing Kim Kardashians silky smooth hair if I let him write this post. While the kid hasnt been good at fantasy since college, his scoops do give me smiles. Kinda like the smell of a cleanly shaved 23 year old...so I let him stay there free of charge.

- This is the first fuckin year I dont have sanatana moss, obviously...every fuckin year I have him and of course now hes the top receiver in the league.

- If I have to hear more about heller an mikey having every player in the league in their 14 fantasy leagues i'm gonna throw up on them.

- no one on the corner have swagger like us swagger like us, swagger swagger like us no one on the corner have swagger like us swagger like us, swagger swagger like us -- no one on the corner gotta bop like this can't wear skinny jeans cuz my knots don't fit

- I want another pickup since we drafted chad "ocho cinco" and not chad johnson. Its bullshit.

- Of course all you fuckers outbid me for every player I wanted. Sealove, gimme brandon lloyd for making me late to the draft.

- I cant wait to get back from lalaland to watch my partner make sweet love to his wife from directly across the street, out my window. After they have a candle lit dinner with protein pancakes and a hard boiled egg from energy kitchen.

- YOU CANT HOLD US DOWN

Leibert's Bugger Post

2008-09-19T14:25:00.001-04:00

I suppose I deserve this punishment for being ill prepared for this year’s Bigtime Draft..although, Jared will tell you I can only win this league if I have the first pick and select Marshall Faulk, so why prepare?!

I am still taking this time to start my petition now to get rid of the rule that requires me to write this post…please sign your name in the comments section below…sorry for the lip Goff, but does anybody (besides El Toro and maybe Coleman) like doing these things…there is a reason why those 2 should and do have their own blogs…

Speaking of which, Glantz offered to write this post in exchange for the following: His ticket to the Mets vs. Cubs game on Monday night, 3 Hot Dogs (no bun), 2 Diet Cokes, 1 Commemorative Pin (what the hell he is going to do with this, I have no idea), and a children’s size extra-small Mr. Met costume. Mostly I thank him for this paragraph of material (and the sidebar that follows).

While I strongly considered Glantz’s fantasy bail-out proposal, it was the 2nd best fantasy proposal I’ve received in my dozen year career.

Heller and I received the following email from Wagner in 2002 when he wanted to sit in on our TACL keeper league basketball auction a few years ago. His email, verbatim:
Subject Line: Proposal…
For Panama Red to sit in on your auction tonight under the following provisions:
1. I will provide the weed and beer.2. Make sure the bong is always packed.3. I will not speak unless spoken to.4. I will be wearing von dutch.5. I will make a food run(I am thinking taco bell).6. I will act as liaison between you and your girlfriends so you don't have to deal with their bullshit.7. Throw out all those bugger magnets on Leibert's fridge.8. I will make tea with Leibert's stems.9. I will provide post-draft late night asian hookers.
Not That Fuckin Bad!!!!!!!
(Again, thanks to Wagner for some filler material, and to Heller for saving the email.)

My partner (I think) used to at least be good for writing these bugger posts and paying for 70% of our entry fee…now I am relegated to the blogosphere and chasing him down for his half of the money…I guess for your sake, at least, while not as entertaining, you will understand what I write.

I guess this wasn’t as painful as my life would be if it revolved around Lehman Brothers et al…especially, because then I would probably be voting for a Creationist under the guise that the GOP will somehow protect my money.

As for football, I am a 21 point underdog to AJ Ball, and, JT O’Sullivan is my starting quarterback (I didn’t know who he was the day before the draft),
enough said. Oh, and, by the way USC crushed Ohio State 35-3 in case any of you forgot.

Week 3 Pick-ups

2008-09-18T22:49:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday Colediggy ... Here are this weeks pick-ups:

M. Bush $31 Hard Knocks
L. Jordan $16 Hairy Chicken Skins
B. Lloyd $15 Hard Knocks
C. Stuckey $9 Empire
G. Camarillo $8 Hairy Chicken Skins
G. Ferrotte $6 AJ Ball
T. McGee $5 Empire
AJ Hawk $4 AJ Ball
C. Gamble $3 Blue Steel
B. Griese $2 El Toro
K. Lumpkin $2 Centaurus
L. Weaver $1 Centaurus
Kol. Smith $1 The Commission
D. Akers $1 Ginn and Juice
J. Scobee $1 Pigskin Pimps

Congrats JP...

2008-09-16T11:41:00.002-04:00

Congrats to JP for his first fantasy football victory since 2006 ... sigh ... (can't include Ryan in this one...he's 1-1 in his BigTime career) ...
Seriously - I'm considering changing the "Horses-Ass" title to the "Jeff Johnson" title ... Any opposition? (Other considerations are the "Jordan Paul Wagner penalty" .... 0-13 should never ever again be a reality...

Week 2 Pick-ups

2008-09-11T21:41:00.002-04:00

As a reminder (to those that don't read emails), there will be no fractional bids this year - only full dollar amounts. If you bid $1.50 for a player - I assumed you bid $2. Also - there were many TIED bids - the team with the WORSE power rankings got the player.

M. Cassel $33 El Toro
A. Bryant $24 Pigskin Pimps
P. Thomas $22 El Toro
M. Jones $15 Let it Ride
D. Henderson $15 H's and 8's
T. Jackson $8 AJ Ball
J. Charles $8 Hairy Chicken Skins
S. Alexander $7 El Toro
G. Lewis $6 KEK
J. Harrison $5 H's and 8's
A. Fasano $5 Ginn and Juice
S. Breaston $5 AJ Ball
J. Kasay $4 AJ Ball
Rob. Mathis $4 Hairy Chicken Skins
S. Fujita $3 Blue Steel
C. Finnegan $3 AJ Ball
B. Scaife $3 Hard Knocks
K. Orton $2 Empire
M. Tolbert $2 KEK
I. Hilliard $2 Centaurus
D. Rosario $2 Centaurus
J. Abraham $2 El Toro
J. Vilma $1 Centaurus
R. Royal $1 Blue Steel
A. Pierce $1 Ginn and Juice
L. Woodley $1 Hard Knocks
C. Harris $1 Pigskin Pimps
A. Lelie $1 Blue Steel
J. Joseph $1 Empire
B. Ruud $1 The Commission
J. Avant $1 The Commission
J. Carlson $1 Vandelay Industries
K. Collins $1 Vandelay Industries
A. Ogunleye $1 Vandelay Industries
J. Hall $1 Centaurus
P. Buchanon $1 KEK
Q. Mikell $1 Let it Ride

Sometimes being first to do something is not always great!

2008-09-10T14:03:00.004-04:00

Once again Ginn and Juice starts the fantasy season with a bang! I think in the last 3 years, the first game out, I have been fighting not to be the lowest scoring team of the week. Well this year I have lost that fight. I mean come on! I thought I had a good draft except for my 2nd RB (STARTER NOW!!!!) and he was one of my highest scorers of the week. How gross - Palmer 4.45, Holmes 3.9, Coles 1.5, and Cooley 1.7 – a whopping 11.55 points! AWESOME!

During the draft I turn to Goffin and say you and Coleman are so good at this fantasy shit. He looks at me and smiles like (Dude don’t tell me something I already know!) Then Goff tells me after I picked Coles – “we liked Coles”! I was like yes I got someone they wanted!! 1.5 points later I felt he could have kept that comment to himself.

Then Evan screams across the room to Goffin – “You good with your team”? – Goffin – Yeah, no other reply. Evan – I know I am good with my team he responds…Shocking that BS scores 126 points with two WR’s and his TE scoring only 9.5 points.

Winners – Just because year in and year out they succeed
Blue Steel – Cocky bastards (Evan) that always field a good team!

Winners but not like the BS
Hard Knocks – Cool, Calm and Collected – you should have taken Gore over Addai like you talked about.
Commish – Steady (If you win any cash in fantasy baseball you should thank March for dropping Delgado – Since you picked him up he has hit 21 HR’s, 58 RBI’s)
Centaurus – Silent but deadly – wait until week 5 when he picks up a no name and they run for 300 yrds and 3 scores.
VI – The Champs have a lot of work to do this year if they want to repeat!

Hard to Call – seem like you know what you are doing and win more often then not (might be a mirage)
El Toro – Sorry about Brady! Some of the most outlandish picks year in and year out, but he makes them work.
Pimps – Have not really heard much from them in the past few years
Empire – Seriously I vote next year Wonder has to pick 14th (is it 3 years in a row that he has had the 1st pick?)

Almost – The team that seems to be on the breaking point year in and year out but just can’t close the deal.
AJ Ball – I think this is your year!

Competitors – I do not want to call the bunch of us Losers but we all need to WIN in a big way!
LIR – Not sure if this team is better with or without D-Rob
H and 8’s – Still suck even though they beat Ginn and Juice by 50! Weak WR’s! LET’S GO BUCKS!!!!
Ginn and Juice – Contend with the best but can’t ever be consistent
KEK – Is Turner still available to be picked up??? Opps that torch has been passed to Tuna – aka El Toro
HFC – Will they win a game this year??? With TO we trust they will!

SORRY!!!!
Mr. Brady – so sorry to see you go! NOT!! One because you play in the same division as the JETS, two because you were a fucking Wolverine! Go fuck your hot GF! AHOLE!

Nate Dog - With our team name Ginn and Juice our hearts go out to Snoops brother from a different mother!

Maybe if I come in last another week I will tell you all about Martina Warren Penthouse Pet of the Year 2003!! Not as good as the DT story but it was still FUN!!

2008 Draft

2008-09-03T11:30:00.002-04:00

Here is the 2008 Bigtime Draft. (Viewable via Google Spreadsheets)
In the first 28 picks:
- 16 WRs
- 10 RBs
- 2 QBs

2008 Pay-Out Structure

2008-09-02T10:33:00.002-04:00

Total pot is $11,200

Winner gets $5,250
Runner-up gets $1,500
Regular Season Accolades (NEW) - $500 per "Power Ranking Category"
- Record ($500)
- Points ($500)
- Breakdown ($500)
Ties will split the money - no tie-breakers
League-wide scoring play-off winner gets: $1,000
Weekly Score winners (weeks 1-13): $975
Third place gets $600
(New) Highest Week 16 Score: $250
Horses ass fee: $300 - Winner of Toilet Bowl gets $300
Cost of Site: $125

2008 BigTime Draft Order

2008-08-14T19:45:00.000-04:00

1. Empire
2. The Commission
3. Ginn and Juice
4. Hard Knocks
5. Krazy Eyez Killaz
6. Vandelay Industries
7. Centaurus
8. H's and 8's
9. Let it Ride
10. TBD (JP and Ryan)
11. Blue Steel
12. Pigskin Pimps
13. AJ Ball
14. Tuna Delight

A Shore Catch In The Can

2008-08-13T09:04:00.010-04:00

The Tuna saga has ended.

After a long drawn out battle, arguably the greatest fantasy player of all time (at least according to him) landed in the Big Fishbowl, to play for El Toro.

T-O-R-O, TORO! TORO! TORO!

The Tuna was traded from Tuna Delight to El Toro for an unconditional 2009 draft pick. Tuna Delight initially receives a fourth round pick and if The Tuna makes 50% of the team’s draft-day decisions this upcoming season, the fourth rounder becomes a third rounder. If The Tuna makes 70% of the decisions and El Toro makes the playoffs, the third rounder becomes a second rounder. And if The Tuna makes 80% of the decisions and El Toro makes the Super Bowl, the pick becomes a first rounder.

This trade caps a “six-flags-like” roller-coaster offseason for The Tuna and the franchise that became synonymous with his legendary nickname. The Tuna's on-again, off-again retirement has monopolized headlines for the past two months as news began trickling to the media that the legendary fantasy god was second-guessing his retirement decision.

To recap, on March 4, The Tuna announced his retirement from the Big Time Fantasy Football League. Although The Tuna stated that he had been willing to play another year, he felt that another season would only be successful if he led Tuna Delight to another Super Bowl victory. He added that the chances for a Super Bowl win were small given the amount of sheer luck that plays a role in fantasy football. He decided that he wasn't up for the challenge.

At his press conference, The Tuna openly wept about leaving the Big Time. He said during the conference, "I know I can play, but I don't think I want to. And that's really what it comes down to. I just don’t have the desire to sign up for ten fantasy web sites while developing, formatting and printing out 25 different cheat sheets. Waking up every morning to scan the headlines, surf the injury reports and read through the target reports was just getting too time-consuming. You gotta want to do it in order to play at a high-level.”

On April 1, The Tuna moved back home to Melville, NY, not far from the suburban neighborhood where he grew up learning how to place wagers on football. At a young age, The Tuna was taught the basics of fantasy sports and football gambling. He mastered the contrarian approach from his father who placed wager after wager and benefited from being one of the first DirecTV NFL Sunday Ticket customers in 1990.

The Tuna holds all sorts of Big Time records such as the Most Points Scored in a Game. He also holds the most touted of all, fantasy football’s own “iron man” record. His most consecutive days without a carbohydrate, 2,819 days, many believe will never be broken. With multiple Super Bowl appearances and a ring on one finger, The Tuna was a shoe-in to be the first ever inductee for the Big Time Hall of Fame in 2013. Tuna Delight had even planned on retiring The Tuna’s number 8 jersey today during the draft-day lottery.

His career has not come without controversy, however. While being treated for off-season depression, The Tuna developed an addiction to Molly, which became publicly known amid a Big Time investigation to determine why he was so happy during each and every draft. He went public with his addiction and into treatment while remaining in rehab for 46 days.

After much deliberation this offseason, it was reported that The Tuna was in contact with Tuna Delight about a possible return to the team. A secret meeting among team officials was held at Scalinatella to discuss the logistics of such a move but witnesses say that The Tuna, who steered away from the pasta that night, left the dinner with a look of dissatisfaction while hardly touching his Chicken Scarpariello.

On July 2, The Tuna spoke publicly for the first time about his potential comeback in an interview with Andrew Fried, producer of Iconoclasts. In the interview, The Tuna said he was "guilty of retiring early," that he was "never fully committed" to retirement and that he was pressured by Tuna Delight to make a decision after the season ended. The Tuna disputed the notion that he didn't want to play for Tuna Delight and said that while he understood the team has decided to move on with Andrew Schleimer, they should allow him to do the same. He made clear that he would not return to Tuna Delight as a backup and reiterated his desire to be traded.

MySpace's David Borstein reported on July 16, that Tuna Delight filed tampering charges against The Empire, alleging improper communication using a Six Flags walkie talkie. After an investigation, Commissioner Brett Goffin ruled there had been no violation of tampering rules.

The Tuna formally filed for reinstatement with the Big Time and his petition was granted by Commissioner Goffin. The Tuna then flew to Six Flags Great Adventure to report to Tuna Delight training camp asking to be traded to either of his division rivals The Empire or Centaurus. Unwilling to adhere to his wishes, Tuna Delight had two potential suitors. Jeff Johnson & Co., whom The Tuna had prior relations with given that he went to college with their head coach, or El Toro the troubled franchise who invested a lot of money on fantasy subscriptions in the offseason. At Jeff Johnson & Co., The Tuna would have been penciled in to supplant Scott Wagner as the starter on the team. El Toro, who needed a leader badly, was looked at as a darkhorse in The Tuna sweepstakes.

After 24 hours of negotiation, word of The Tuna's trade to El Toro trickled out across the league. While there was shock and excitement felt by the fans, a few unanswered questions remained.

The main question is, how quickly can The Tuna adapt to El Toro’s new system? He will have only 25 days of studying and five mock-drafts to prepare for the Sept. 2nd draft day at the Shelbourne Hotel. It will be like trying to become fluent in Japanese (Toro being Japanese term for the belly fat of Tuna) in less than a month.

"No doubt, it's going to be difficult," said Michael Deutsch, a fellow retiree who has remained close with The Tuna and even shares a birthday with him. "When you're in one system for so long you can get brainwashed and it's difficult to unlearn it. But I think The Tuna will be able to do it. He knows about handcuffing backup running backs and the third-year receiver rule. The terminology might be different, but he knows all the schematics and philosophies."

El Toro has every reason to be excited about The Tuna. There is one word that describes Tuna's swashbuckling style of play – gunslinger. There's no bigger risk taker than The Tuna, who averaged 7 bust picks per season over his last 4 years with Tuna Delight.

“He can be temperamental at times," former Tuna Delight assistant coach Craig Schulman told the Daily News. "If he doesn't like the Sportsline Player News Update, don't be surprised if you see him mess up the line-up. He may even throw in an injured player hoping he plays."

Upon his arrival at 24 Prince for the opening preseason game with Centaurus, The Tuna looked focused and about 10lbs overweight. Cameras flashing by the dozens, a wide-eyed Tuna took his first steps into the fantasy spotlight." I'm here for one reason. Not to do eat tuna melts, sashimi and all those things," The Tuna said after joining El Toro for the exhibition game. "I'm here to help El Toro win."

Many worry that the lure of waffle fries at this years draft may put the consecutive no-carb record at risk, but fans of The Tuna believe that a burger no-bun is the more likely scenario.

Regardless, there's a new Tuna in town. This one's a Fatty Tuna. Often considered the most prized part of tuna, El Toro is in for a prized season of their own.

T-O-R-O TORO! TORO! TORO!

That's the scoop-
Tuna

2008 Minor Tweaks

2008-08-03T21:26:00.001-04:00

Entry fee is 800 per team. For most teams - that comes out to 25 per week per man. Seriously - don't think you can find better entertainment value - period.
This year - THERE WILL BE NO IR SPOTS. Given the shady NFL coaches and the new NFL injury naming conventions - it become too difficult to be consistent with the IR tags... SO ... In addition to the after-draft IDP pick-ups - we will also be picking up on EXTRA POSITION player. Rosters will be expanding by 1 to make room for the lack of IR spots. Last year, an average of 1.3 players were on the IR per team, which means that the Free Agent pool should be the same - if not improve a bit this year...
IDP interceptions will be worth 4 points instead of 3. Originally, Sportsline gave a pass deflected point for each INT, so I made INTs 3 points. They've changed that glitch last year - so INTs are 4 points.

2007 Season Rap up

2008-01-03T14:23:00.000-05:00

The Bigtime's 10th season was another successful one...

We have crowned a first-time champ (Vandelay Industries)
We actually got a little community activities going with the blog posting
We had 8 teams that took home more than $100 for the season (details below)
We had a ridiculously tight play-off race till the end
Oh - and we also had a team go win-less for the first time in league history (Jeff Johnson & Co)

Congrats again goes out to Vandelay Industries, who as many of you know, have been extremely dedicated and passionate about every season - but until this season - had yet to make the finals... They are finally over the hump... Congrats goes out to Blue Steel - who has put together a ridiculous stretch over the past few years. This year - they came up just short, losing in the finals. Blue Steel is one of only 2 teams who are two-time BigTime champs. The other is Hard Knocks, who won this years regular season championship, going 11-2 and coming in 3rd place. Congrats to Empire - who overcame some hard luck this year and win the post-season roto-bowl...AJ Ball beat out Vandelay by less than 1 point to win the play-off roto-bowl... Hookers and 8 Balls won this years Toilet Bowl...

Next year - there will be some minor changes....

I am doing away with IR spots and adding one more roster spot that will part of the post-draft pick-up process ... With the IR naming system changing - it makes it too hard to police.
Interceptions will be worth 4 points next year (vs. 3)... Originally I made it 3 because the system gave 1 pt for pass deflections - but Sportsline has changed this - so I'll change it.
The pay-out structure will be slightly modified as well ... I'm going to do away with the play-off team roto-bowl... I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I'd love to hear your ideas on this... (the site will also cost double next year -- we had a discount that gave us half off this year)

I'm sure there will be some other possible changes.... Auction?? Let's hear your ideas on the blog throughout the off-season...

Also - As it's still fresh in your mind - please email me with your ideas for next year.

I'd like to get together for dinner or something in the near future. Sending out checks of the winnings is never easy. If we can meet-up at 24 Prince or something that would be great. I'll throw out the date of Thursday, 1/17 and see if anyone is interested....

Here are the pay-out details:

Vandelay Industries (League Champ and 2 high weeks): $5,150

Blue Steel (runner-up) $1,500

Hard Knocks (Reg. Season Champ, 3rd place, and 2 high weeks): $1,575

Empire (Roto-Bowl Champ): $1,100

AJ Ball (Play-off Roto Bowl champ) $420

Hookers and 8-Balls (Toilet Bowl champ) $300 paid by Jeff Johnson & Co

Pigskin Pimps (3 high weeks): $225

Centaurus (2 high weeks): $150

Ginn and Juice (2 high weeks): $150

Let it Ride (1 high week): $75

KEK (1 high week): $75

Last Pickups of 2007

2007-12-20T07:35:00.000-05:00

Blue Steel (was sent in on time, to Goff only)
7 Mario Williams
Drop Aaron Rogers

Vendelay Industries
13 Jabar Gaffney
Drop Deshaun Foster

1 Sage Rosenfels
Drop Jackie Battle

1 Chris Harris
Drop Cedric Griffin

1 Manumaleuna
Drop Echemandu

Centaurus
1 Chris Baker
Drop Najeh Davenport

Hard Knocks
18 Dominick Rhodes
Drop Heath Evans

STOP HATING

2007-12-17T14:10:00.000-05:00

(Authored by the most hated owner in the league)

just wanted to start this posting with a few comments ive
gotten from some fellow league members over the past couple
weeks,.. take a look:

swunder02: good luck u prick
swunder02: even though my team is better

sealovekingst (2:32:49 PM): ur hated

bgoffin7 (1:26:24 PM): I'm jealous that you've got a chance
to win 3 Bigtime championship....
bgoffin7 (1:26:33 PM): I would handle it differently than
you do -- but that's it
ebs781 (1:26:45 PM): how would u handle it?
ebs781 (1:26:54 PM): throw a huge party? pop bottles?
bgoffin7 (1:26:56 PM): I win with class -- and lose with
class
ebs781 (1:27:05 PM): a lot more of the latter
bgoffin7 (1:27:07 PM): u, however, don't really know what
class is

CharlesJr121 (2:55:26 PM): it is not about jealousy
CharlesJr121 (2:55:41 PM): it is aboutt thefact that u r a
dick when it comes to ff
ebs781 (2:56:03 PM): thats like saying belicheck is a dick
when it comes to pro football
CharlesJr121 (2:56:03 PM): u could be a little more humble
about your success

I never realized I was in a league with such sensitivity,...
yet such hatred at the same time. Apparently, I am the
"most hated" member of this league.... I've heard that from at
least 4 people. So this little blog is entitled "What
Josh and I are going to do with this years winnings":

First what we are going to do is start the Flower Fund for
next year. After each week's victory, our losing opponent
is going to receive a bouquet of flowers,. With a little
note attached. "Thank you for playing us hard this week,..
it was a hard fought battle, and we look forward to our next
matchup. You're a good person with a big heart"... Bc
apparently no one thinks we win with class,.. we hope you
will all consider this a classy move after getting run over
by us next year.

We are also going to pay to retain a league psychiatrist for
next season. This way, when any of your feelings get hurt
by something I may say after we give u a righteous Sunday
stuffing, you have someone to talk to and can express your
feelings. "I understand Blue Steel is always a solid team,.
But I wish they would handle their wins a little classier,
that's all. Maybe not be such meanies about it,.. Evan is
always hurting my feelings."

Also, josh and I will be bringing everyone a treat to the
draft next year,... a lollypop and a dandelion for all, as a
sign that this league is all about love, kindness, and good
sportsmanship. We hope we haven't given anyone a different
impression.

Lastly, we will also be buying certain whiny individuals a
box of tampons, to stop their p*****s from leaking.

STOP HATING!!!!!!

Some of you may say,.. he just jinxed himself, he hasn't won
anything yet,.... And you are wrong on 2 accounts. 1. We've
won 2 championships already 2. Champions don't believe in
jinx's,.. they are just an excuse made up by losers.

This sht ain't a coincidence ladies,... start studying now for
next yr's draft.

Week 15 Pick-ups

2007-12-13T00:40:00.001-05:00

D. Walker $20 The Commission
J. Battle $3 Vandelay Industries
C. Dawson $2 Blue Steel

Points roto play-off

2007-12-10T20:56:00.001-05:00

Can be accessed here. Play-off teams in green.

A Postseason Present

2007-12-06T12:19:00.000-05:00

I know my participation on the blog has been non-existent this year and for that I apologize. Seeing as it is the holiday season and it's the time to give, I thought I'd share this little gem with all of you. These links are the farthest thing from being safe to open at work so consider this your warning. I would also advise against opening these links if you are eating unless you'd like to vomit all over your keyboard. Enjoy.

http://www.2girls1cup.com/

http://www.2girls1finger.com/

Week 13 - Low Week Writeup

2007-12-06T11:24:00.000-05:00

(Authored by DS of the KEK)

After 24 Prince's writeup on potentially winning $300K, this may seem trivial... But here goes nothing...

I guess things could be worse for the Krazy Eyez Killah's (Jeff Johnson & Co. come to mind), but we are now 3-for-3 for mediocrity in our first 3 years in Bigtime, and are on our 5th loser writeup. Even though this has been entirely due to injuries and the bad karma left by Fuckface, rather than drafting or trading acumen, it still sucks to always be outside looking in at the playoffs. The only saving grace is that commissioner putin established the toilet bowl to delay serious NBA gambling for at least another week.

So since I have no vested interest in the playoffs other than maybe getting free quesadillas at Blondies from Vandelay if they are winning, here’s the Toilet Bowl preview:

H's & 8's at Ginn and Juice (+4) - Isn't this cute... Two Ohio State guys duking it out in the toilet bowl. I know Michigan people have mixed emotions about this, but I'm rooting for OSU in the championship... Fuck Les Miles - overrated, anyway. Prediction: T. Henry/Fred Taylor is 15 points better than E. Graham/D. Wright and H's & 8's win by 10.

Let It Ride at Tuna Delight (+1) - Playing in the t-bowl serves Tuna right for not running Hoops City this year and forcing me into a world of 2-man basketball pools and waaay too much xbox 360. And good to see I'm not the only guy that got sucked into the buy-on-the-low Gore trap this year... In my other league, I traded S. Alexander, Braylon and Witten (before Braylon and Witten became legit superstars) for Gore and Heap. I will now drag a cheese grater across my chest. Tuna D is depending on the raiders in green bay and detroit against dallas and I just don't see it happening. Prediction: LIR by 4 and Mike Furrey looking like a cross between Vlade Divac and Vitaly Potapenko.

JJ&C at the Commission (+7) - It's over before it even begins. At Blondies, BG can play with his iphone for 7 hours straight and BC can drink 6 LIT's with Sal knowing that this one is done. In. The. Bizzag. Commission by 44 points (not a knock on JJ&C; it speaks to the Commission).

Side Note: Anyone want to wager on how many receptions and total yards the Commission thought reggie bush would have when they drafted him? I'm setting the o/u at 110 and 2,400. Hey, could be worse.. You could have drafted Rudi Johnson at 10 spot.

KEK @ Empire (+0) - The only thing that might salvage our pride from the draft is if LDT comes down with severe hemorrhoids on Saturday night and can't play... Enter Michael Turner, the KEK's best running back that was kept, but never used, all year long. Outside of that, Empire has a massive advantage here and it's actually surprising they didn't make the playoffs now that I look at their lineup. KEK will be depending on Jesse Chatman's coming out party... You heard it here first. Prediction: KEK win by 3.5 and Rudi Johnson finally plays like the ‘consistent’ 1,400 yd, 14 TD RB he's been the last 3 seasons.

Rest of Toilet Bowl:
KEK over Commission
H&8 over LIR

KEK over H&8

Good luck to all those in the real playoffs... May the least annoying team win.